Cards against SFU

By: Gabrielle McLaren

Black cards

The hottest item in the Bookstore this season is ________
To increase their ratings, the SFSS President has started handing out ____ in the AQ
After being neutered, McFogg the Dogg only craved ________
To finance a gondola, Andrew Petter has started to sell students’ _______
The only thing rarer on campus than _____ is _____
Ever since Triple “O” Tuesdays stopped, SFU students have resorted to eating _____
Studies have shown that _________ is the best way to repay your student loans.
A piece of flow-chart-format graffiti in the women’s bathroom on the sixth floor discusses _____ in great lengths
Why did the koi fish in the AQ pond die?

White cards

A racoon orgy outside my class
A Beedie mug full of tears
The SFSS Board of Directors
Mysterious club tables in the AQ
Four 95s in a row, but no 145
Pain™️
A free parking spot on the Burnaby campus
A TA on the verge of a complete and utter emotional shutdown
Some goddamn fucking sunshine
WQB requirements
A sense of purpose
Freshmen with hope in their eyes and textbooks in their backpacks
Sacrificing your psychological wellbeing for a 3% grade boost
Crippling your internal organs with a steady diet of Tim Hortons and pain
Iced coffee
Forgetting that SFU has a campus downtown
A professor who can’t turn on the projector
Motherfuckers vaping outside the library
A quickie in the avocado
The naive ambition of first years
UBC students
Winter Preparedness
A student on the Surrey campus who isn’t in IAT
The cockroach living under your bed on res
Tripping on the rickety step going down to the bus loop and cracking your skull on the concrete below
Human contact
The sweet smell of ass
Bagpiping rehearsals in the middle of class
The SFSS forgetting about land acknowledgements