[dropcap]I[/dropcap] try not to focus on the haters. I just try to focus on having a good time.” Dressed in a fashionable parka and sneakers, SFU style icon Miranda Macfarlane is a sight for sore eyes. The university may be ice cold in January, but Miranda is as hot as ever — and she’s got the boys eating out of her hands (and elsewhere). Not everyone is blessed with the same raw feminine energy as Miranda, but there’s more to her meteoric success than just girl power. Peakmo sat down with Miranda to learn more about how she became SFU’s HBIC, and get her tips on how you can make 2016 the year you finally get yours — and then some.
Peakmo: I think I speak for everyone when I ask: Can we be you?
Miranda Macfarlane: Girl, don’t even ask. You don’t want this kind of stress. I can’t even talk to any of the boys on campus — they just stare at me wide eyed until I walk away. Most girls want to ask my permission before they even look at me. Trust me, it isn’t easy being queen.
“Diva is just a term made up by women who are afraid of empowerment.”
P: But there’s got to be some perks.
MM: Well, the free tuition is nice. [laughs] Honestly, I’m so used to it by now that I don’t think I could ever go back. The red carpets, the adoring fans, the seven-inch high heels. . . That’s just my life, you know? I don’t really know how anyone else manages without this kind of treatment. But, I mean, they’re not me. They wouldn’t know.
P: Tell me a little bit about what you’re wearing right now.
MM: I’m wearing enough designer makeup to pay the mortgage of a small family — mostly made by close friends who also design for Beyoncé. Nobody you will have heard of. My favourite piece of jewelry is my Gucci necklace, which a fan made for me. It’s a little Scorpio sign. I’m totally into astrology. I just really identify with the stars. They’re bright and shiny and great to stare at, just like me!
My top is bleached alligator skin mixed with gold flakes and the tears of young Chinese factory workers. It’s definitely not my fanciest outfit, but I wanted to keep it casual today, you know? That’s why I’m wearing only my sixth best parka — I need to save the best ones for special occasions.
P: Special occasions?
MM: Movie premieres, museum openings, presidential inaugurations, that sort of thing.
P: Who are your feminine idols?
MM: I like to think of myself as an original. But I’ve always been a big follower of Miley Cyrus, Nicki Minaj, Queen Elizabeth — bad bitches getting what’s theirs. I’m an admirer of powerful women, which is why my biggest idol of all time is myself. I inspire me more than anyone, and I try to act in ways that I would want to act. It’s part of my whole personal philosophy: what would I do (WWID)?
P: What advice do you have for girls who want to be just like you?
MM: Well, first off, you’ll never be just like me. Like I said, I’m one of a kind. But I consider myself a feminist and a supporter of powerful women, so I’ll give you a few of my best tips. Just make sure you bitches remember that there’s only one Miranda Macfarlane.
First things first: don’t be afraid to be a diva. Diva is just a term made up by women who are afraid of empowerment. You deserve to look spectacular, and to make everyone else work hard to make you look — and feel — your best. Try starting out by asking your friends for small favours, like buying drinks for you or going on all fours below your knees to become a human footrest. Soon enough, you’ll have a certified #squad backing you up every step of the way. That’s an important prerequisite to becoming fashion royalty.
Second, make sure boys know that you’re a prize. Order the most expensive item on the menu on every date, and never offer to pay for anything. If he doesn’t have an expensive car and a six-pack that could double as a functional cheese grater, he’s not worth your time. He should be your knight in shining armour and the beast to your beauty in the sack. If he’s not willing to go downtown, find yourself another man, ASAP. Your lady bits deserve as much love as you do, sister. Sometimes more. Don’t be afraid to break his heart — or his phone.
Finally, learn how to ask for what’s yours. The new year is a perfect opportunity to be a whole new you. Not getting an A in that class? Twist your professor’s balls until he ups that GPA, girlfriend. Some dollar store slut talking smack about you behind your back? Spike her drink with hydrofluoric acid. Too many women are afraid to take initiative with their problems. I’m walking proof that a little extra effort pays off.
P: Do you still get those moments where you say, “pinch me, I must be dreaming”?
MM: Usually it’s everyone else acting that way around me. It’s not hard to believe that I’ve become this popular — I get what I want and I want what I get. If you trust the universe and trust your own feminine energy, you can, too.
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