Woohoo: One-ply

I’m pulling a utilitarian stance and proclaiming that one-ply toilet paper is definitely the favourable tool with which to garnish our restrooms.

Put simply, when I’m gracing the loo, I’d like to use something that gets the quick and dirty done, you know?

One-ply makes sense in a pragmatic way: it’s literally (and simply) paper that one uses for bodily purposes. It costs less to produce and to buy, it’s kinder to the environment in that it doesn’t use up as many trees to produce, and it’s less likely to clog the toilet! What’s not to love?

Sure, it may a bit less comfortable than it’s layered counterpart, but let’s face it, Charmin costs a mint, and my pockets are borderline starving.

Unfortunately, it can be difficult to find household one-ply toilet paper at the supermarket. Why is it that I have to visit a restaurant or a shopping centre to access the best invention since the wheel? Oh this ironic world we live in.

Boohoo: Two-ply

That being said, my bathroom houses toilet paper that’s firm and thick. So thick, in fact, that when I tear off a sheet I feel like I’m wasting three quarters of it. And that’s probably because I am.

I don’t need the extra padding. Will I be able to actually feel those lovely, intricate floral patterns? Is that why they print them there? Cause I sure as heck ain’t stopping to gaze at the artwork before getting down to business.

Kudos to the toilet paper artists who’ve created masterpieces that will never again be witnessed after the flush. I feel like our creative talents could be put to something a little more noticeable.

Two-ply, three-ply, even four-ply (yes, it’s real!) waste not only my wallet, but also my neurons as I rack my brain for valid reasons why this product even exists.