Male teen confused by girl who actually came over to just watch a movie

A Coquitlam teen has been left frustrated and confused after his crush agreed to watch a movie at his place, then proceeded to not make out with him.

“It doesn’t make any sense,” Derek Tanner told The Peak, immediately following the occurrence, which took place last Friday night. “I asked if she wanted to come over and watch The Amazing Spider-Man 2 and she said ‘yes.’ I don’t know how I could have made my intentions any clearer.”

The accused, Brandy Cram, reportedly came over at the time they agreed upon and brought microwave popcorn, which Tanner took as a sign that she was interested in going to second base with him. The teens then proceeded to watch all 142 minutes of the superhero action-blockbuster, completely uninterrupted by any sort of sexual advance from Cram.

“I even suggested we go to the downstairs TV room so we could be away from the rest of my family,” Tanner explained. Though Cram had never expressed any romantic interest in him prior to the hangout, Tanner claims he can’t think of any other reason why she would have agreed to come over and enjoy friendly conversation.

“Do I think she just wanted to watch The Amazing Spider-Man 2? Of course not. No one wants to watch The Amazing Spider-Man 2.”

This isn’t the first time that Cram, who’s in the same Grade 11 English class as Tanner, has been reported to hang out with guys in a platonic setting and not instigate coitus. Last September, Cram walked home with a senior from her school and laughed at some of his jokes but then continued to not invite him in afterwards for some quick intercourse. A similar incident also occurred just last month when classmate Brody Steeves invited her to the beach, where they made sand castles, swam in the water, and “didn’t even hook up once.”

At press time, Cram had not confirmed the exact details of either occurrence, but did refer to the two victims of the previous incidents as “a really funny guy” and “super nice,” respectively.

While the investigation in to Tanner’s claims is ongoing, police are urging males of all ages to not get hung up on whether or not a girl is sexually interested in them and are recommending they just enjoy platonic friendship for the rewarding experience it can be.