Mysterious ball of light appears over SFU
Panicked and frightened students ran amok across the Burnaby campus last Wednesday, as what was described by several onlookers as “ a mysterious ball of light” rose from the horizon and suspended itself in the sky for over than 10 hours, before descending in the west.
Fifth-year women studies major Theresa Jackon describes the situation. “It was unlike anything I’ve ever seen before. One minute I’m changing into my third pair of fresh socks, and then all of a sudden the sky cleared and it came. It wasn’t rain or snow or hail. What was it? What was it?!?”
University officials told The Peak that a human sacrifice will be made atop the AQ pyramid as in the olden times.
Veggie Lunch is people. It’s people!
Crowds gathered in Convocation Mall last Thursday, as a battered and disoriented student burst out from Higher Grounds entrance and repeatedly screamed, “Veggie Lunch is people” before collapsing in a heap, dead.
The student was identified as Darren Thorn, an international studies student, who had gone missing several weeks prior.
As a follow-up, samples of the food-stuffs served by the Krishna group were sent to the RCMP for forensic analysis. The results were horrifying. An anonymous source sent the test results to The Peak.
“My god he was right. People. It was in everything, the rice, the salad, the curries, even the punch. Especially the punch.”
Girl goes out with guy, after he ‘likes’ all her Facebook photos.
Following several nervous months in which he did not have the courage to ask Danielle Li out on a date, SFU student Seth Cook has finally secured a date with her after ‘liking’ all of her Facebook profile pictures. Unsure of how to verbally express his feelings, Cook resorted to passively liking Li’s photos, a strategy that has left observers baffled.
“She is just a random girl in his chem tutorial that once asked him what was on the midterm. The whole thing is creepy and weird,” said his roommate Craig Wallace.
The date is scheduled for next Thursday, after their shared class at Renaissance Coffee. Cook has reportedly been telling anyone that will listen about his upcoming hot date, while Li is under the impression that all she’s doing is borrowing his lecture notes.
