Staff Writer
Horoscopes August 8–14
August 8, 2022By: Isabella Urbani, Mediator for the Stars Aries — Mar 21–Apr 19 Guess who’s becoming YouTube’s latest food vlogger? Who else is going to tell the people whether or not McDonald’s newest summer drink is good? Let’s get one thing right here: you’re going for number of vlogs, not quality. The Stars aren’t that mean. Taurus — Apr 20–May 20 I understand that you’re still super obsessed with that guitarist✨Kirk Hammett✨from the band you just discovered last week. Too bad you’re 40 years too late. He was topping the charts when your parents were your age. Don’t sweat it,…
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Top 10 circumstances to get yourself in for an extension
July 19, 2022By: Isabella Urbani, Staff Writer Walk in wearing a full body cast The least the teacher can do is help you actually enter the door of the classroom before granting you an extension. Heck, I won’t be surprised if they excuse…
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Comics
July 18, 2022By: Olivia Visser, Staff Writer [caption id="attachment_122620" align="alignnone" width="900"] COMIC: Olivia Visser / The Peak[/caption]
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CONFESSIONALS: My summer of identity theft and unrequited love
July 16, 2022By: The Impersonator Everyone has done it: enter the wrong classroom on the first day of school. You quickly grab a seat at the front and make yourself comfortable only to be caught off guard by unfamiliar jargon. Mitochondria, epinephrine,…
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SFUnexplained: Joy Johnson is the Editor-in-Chief of The Peak
July 15, 2022By: Yasmin Vejs Simsek, Staff Writer Joy Johnson is the president of Simon Fraser University. Or is she? I’ve given this a ton of thought and at this point, there is not a doubt in my mind that Joy Johnson…
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The monster under my bed won’t pay rent
July 15, 2022By: Yasmin Vejs Simsek, Staff Writer Dear Mrs. Goldblum of Goldblum and Sons, I am writing to seek legal advice. I have this monster under my bed, like I am sure many of your clients have had. While I do…
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What’s on the Menu: Weekly reports with your best pal and racoon, Stinks
July 11, 2022By: Nercya Kalino, Staff Writer Welcome back to What’s on the Menu. I am your best pal, Stinks the Raccoon, with the weekly report on what the students are tossing in the trash. Thanks to your readership, this has become the…
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Authentic ramen connoisseur: Recipes from dormitory expert, Guy Ramsey
July 8, 2022By: Yasmin Vejs Simsek, Staff Writer It was the year 2011 and I had just come back from a trip to Japan, and all I wanted was a smooth ramen throwback to take me back to the cherry blossoms of Tokyo.…
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Top 10 ordinary things for your classmates to endure
July 3, 2022By: Yasmin Vejs Simsek, Staff Writer A pineapple Why not bring this mystery to class? You could either rock your pineapple like a baby, bring it to the teacher like an out-of-the-box-thinking teacher’s pet, or whip it out of your backpack…
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