Authentic ramen connoisseur: Recipes from dormitory expert, Guy Ramsey

My privilege and my ramen is worthy of a Michelin star, peasants

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A photo of a man typing angrily at his computer beside a bowl of ramen noodles
My privilege and my ramen is worthy of a Michelin star, peasants

By: Yasmin Vejs Simsek, Staff Writer

It was the year 2011 and I had just come back from a trip to Japan, and all I wanted was a smooth ramen throwback to take me back to the cherry blossoms of Tokyo. Ramen is a Japanese noodle dish, for those of you who haven’t been lucky enough to go to Japan, like myself. My favorite restaurant for ramen was this authentic cute little place with paintings of geishas adorning the walls and steaming bowls of hot ramen being served in artisanal Japanese bowls. So, longing for my favorite place in the world, I dug up this soup-er (see what I did there?) flavourful spaghetti recipe from my grandmother’s old cookbook, and have adapted it into an authentic collegiate meal for champions.

This recipe has been in my family for generations. My great-great-great-great-great grandmother used to make it for Edgar Allan Poe, and he loved it so much he wrote a poem for her yes, To Helen is about her! I think, nay, KNOW, they would approve my twist to it though, even if they didn’t have hot sauce and instant ramen in the 1800’s. I have perfected this recipe, so of course you won’t be able to make the perfect ramen in the first go, but after 4045 tries, you should be getting closer.

I always make this for myself if I am having a rainy day and I need a little pick-me up. Like that time my Xbox glitched and it hadn’t even saved my game of FIFA!  Or like the time I checked my bank account and hadn’t been transferred the $5,000 promised for my summer vacation to Cuba. I had to use my emergency credit card. All while actually writing a paper about Freud’s homoerotic tendencies. Ugh, relatable, I know. I’ll get em next time, champs, with the best ramen in the world.

HOW TO MAKE DELICIOUS, STEAMING, TASTY RAMEN SPAGHETTI:

This gourmet ramen dish is so fluffy, squiggly, salty, mahogany (I used my essay writing skills, can you tell?) with notes of burned truffle. And best of all, it’s super simple to make and you can basically make it with things you already have in your kitchen. 

First of all, you need galangal. Who doesn’t have that in their cupboard? If you just ran out of galangal, you can substitute for ginger, but I will suggest running to the shop, it really is the best option. Other than that, you just need tapioca flour, spirulina, hot sauce, quail eggs, remoulade, three types of soy sauce and muscovado sugar — NOT BROWN SUGAR — and they’re all staples in most of our homes, right?

Oh, you want more of the recipe? Like and subscribe for part 2/7 on my ramen journey. It’s only the low, low cost of ten Maruchan packets a day!

If you make this ramen, make sure to tag me on Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr, Flickr, LinkedIn, MySpace, etc. My handle is @EverybodyLovesRamend123. Remember to follow and leave a comment to let me know how much you liked it.

 Love,
Guy Ramsey

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