Horoscopes
Your weekly SFU Horoscopes: March 15–21
March 15, 2021By: Kyla Dowling, Staff Writer Aries: Wow. You’re so sexy, Aries. Like really hot. You know what else is sexy? Submitting your assignments on time and washing your sheets. You’re two missed discussion boards away from an F and two nights away from your sheets walking on their own. Taurus: It’s time to stop taking things so personally, Taurus. The beleaguered student you passed on your walk yesterday wasn’t glaring at you. They were simply upset that the Dining Hall was out of macadamia nut cookies. Of course, it would have helped if you weren’t visibly smuggling 20 cookies in…
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Your weekly SFU Horoscopes: March 8–14
March 8, 2021By: Alex Masse, Staff Writer ARIES: You know how they say “March enters like a lion and leaves like a lamb?” No? Good. Forget it. You’re no lamb, you’re a ram. Start acting like it. Go find a Dodge Ram…
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Your weekly SFU Horoscopes: March 1–7
March 1, 2021By: Charlotte Gravert, SFU Student ARIES: Since you’re not really a morning person, your black coffee addiction is like adding gasoline to a fire. Combine your morning brew with a cool glass of literal gasoline just for the chaos. TAURUS:…
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Your weekly Shrekly Horoscopes: February 22–28
February 22, 2021By: Charlotte Gravert, SFU Student Happy Chinese New Year! Hardworking ox is jumping in front of the cart to pull us out of the COVID swamp. We asked the stars and swamp expert Shrek for some personalized advice on how…
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Your sexy SFU Horoscopes: February 15–21
February 15, 2021By: Charlotte Gravert, SFU Student On top of social distancing measures and a general lack of lust, Mercury is also in retrograde during this sex issue’s shelf life. With the planet of communication going bananas and love planet Venus moving…
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Your weekly SFU Horoscopes: February 8–14
February 8, 2021By: Kyla Dowling, Staff Writer Aries: It’s frustrating to know that people are too cowardly to admit that they’ve been madly in love with you for years. Take action into your own hands. DM your exes, your best friend’s dad,…
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Your weekly SFU Horoscopes: February 1–7
February 1, 2021By: Paige Riding, Humour Editor ARIES: BARK! BARK! BARK! WOOF WOOF! BARK! TAURUS: Try split-dyeing your hair, Taurus. All the cool kids are doing it. You’ve never been one to start trends, just snatch them away from every fire sign…
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Your weekly SFU Horoscopes: January 25–31
January 25, 2021By: Alex Masse, Staff Writer ARIES: Have you invested in “screaming into the void” lately? I think it’d be really therapeutic for you. If no void is available, there are a number of worthy substitutes. Try screaming into a pillow.…
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Your weekly SFU Horoscopes: January 17–23
January 18, 2021By: Molly Lorette, Peak Associate Aries: How is that fourth New Year's resolution going? Maybe if you actually stuck with something for longer than a month, you could make a change in your life. Pick up those roller skates you…
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Your Weekly Horoscopes Jan. 11–15
January 10, 2021By: Kyla Dowling, Staff Writer Aries: You just don’t feel alive anymore, Aries. After learning every routine on Just Dance and burning the polaroids of everyone who wronged you in 2020, you need more spice. My recommendation? Get a COVID-19…
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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]