Carter Hemion
What Grinds Our Gears: People judging strangers
December 1, 2021By: Carter Hemion, Humour Editor Every day, I hear people judge strangers for things that don’t matter or affect them — like talking to themselves — but people acting differently from you isn’t the problem you’ve been taught it is. Sometimes people act “strange” because of neurodivergence, substance use, psychosis, or (shocker!) they might just feel like acting that way. Regardless, it’s nobody else’s business and generally harmless. In fact, acting unusual can make life more fun — you should try it sometime! Sometimes I forget what I’m about to do if I don’t verbally remind myself. Maybe I’m practicing…
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LEAKED: SFU and UBC to announce joint holiday celebration
November 30, 2021By: Carter Hemion, Humour Editor BURNABY, BC — With a recording of a leaked phone call, an anonymous whistleblower shared news of an SFU and UBC collaboration for the first time in 23 years. Presidents Joy Johnson and Santa J.…
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Top 10 holiday gifts for SFU students
November 28, 2021By: Carter Hemion, Humour Editor A framed photo of SFU administration In moments of peace and times of despair, I always think of my loved ones. Help a student in your life feel comfort with a framed photo of SFU’s…
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Sonnet 2021
November 27, 2021By: Carter Hemion, Humour Editor Shall I compare thee to an exam day? Thou art more stressful and despicable: Simon Fraser walls by clouds still grow grey And finals weeks are far too long and full: Sometimes too strict the…
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QUIZ: Should you get clubbed, go clubbing, or play club penguin?
November 26, 2021By: Carter Hemion, Humour Editor Would you ever dye your hair with something that isn’t hair dye? A. Why would I buy hair dye when Kool Aid is so much cheaper? Money doesn’t grow on trees. I don’t know where…
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President Joy Johnson is an AI hologram
November 26, 2021By: Carter Hemion, Humour Editor Hear me out: president Joy Johnson is actually a hologram powered with artificial intelligence. She has given clear clues from the beginning, making no effort to hide it, knowing that nobody will believe those of…
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Your SFU Horoscopes: November 22–28
November 26, 2021By: Carter Hemion, Humour Editor ARIES: Collect as many crystals as you can to master every aura. Some special stones can bring you joy and prosperity, but certain others carry rancid energy. And by rancid, I mean they’re radioactive and…
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Study session drinking games
November 26, 2021By: Carter Hemion, Humour Editor This November, finals season looms with major assignments piling up like the laundry I’ve been meaning to do for three weeks. To lighten the task of studying, create a game of it! Nothing motivates me…
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Your SFU Horoscopes: November 15–21
November 26, 2021By: Carter Hemion, Humour Editor ARIES: You’re bold. Unconventional. Fucking feral. You’re a coyote, and more specifically the second one to make eye contact with me on campus and start trotting towards me like it expected something. My groceries from…
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Your SFU Horoscopes: November 8–14
November 25, 2021By: Carter Hemion, Humour Editor ARIES: Wednesday is Vanilla Cupcake Day! The day will be a piece of cake after you stress-bake nine dozen cupcakes. And the icing on top? If you give them away, it’s a good deed, not…
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