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Spaces you don’t think about cleaning — but should

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A cleaning spray bottle
PHOTO: Clay Banks / Unsplash

By: Saije Rusimovici, Staff Writer

Cleaning is not limited to visible spaces. Dust resides in dark corners, people, and you won’t know until one day you decide to lift your blinds to find a strip of dirt on your windowsill. Is it dirt? Is it mold? Can you tell? Of course you can’t, you don’t know how long it’s been there! 

Baseboards are another story. Call me excessive, but I can’t stand that grey film of dust that can only be disguised as a shadow for so long. All it takes is a swipe of a Swiffer to get it off. What are you procrastinating for? Another thing: make it a habit to move your large appliances and get behind them with a mop every once in a while. You don’t want to know how many gross things will have fallen into those crevices over the years (a julienned slice of pepper here, a popcorn kernel there). Just because you can’t see the dirt, it doesn’t mean it isn’t there!

Sick of [and in] school

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A box of tissues, hot tea, and glasses on a bedside table
PHOTO: Kelly Sikkema / Unsplash

By: Izzy Cheung, Staff Writer

As I sit here writing this, my throat begs me to clear it, my skin sweats and chills in five-minute intervals, and my voice scratches like a penny rattling in a jar. I have three papers due next week, and, to my utmost surprise and delight, sickness has once again decided to strike me at the most inopportune time. I tested negative for COVID-19 multiple times — but whatever I have is still ruining the end of my term.  

As if the earlier difficulties of the fall semester are somehow not enough. No, I just had to be blessed by a bout of sickness that knocked me out for five days, the symptoms of which I’m still recovering from. I’ve missed enough school this term thanks to illness, but to my delight, apparently I’ll be missing some more! Let’s hope the two presentations I have next Tuesday aren’t impacted by my lingering froggy throat! 

Halls cough drops and honey-lemon tea can only do so much for me. Neither of these will supply me with the energy it takes to compile enough research to make up a 15-page paper, nor will they give me the motivation to peck away at my keyboard for as long as it takes to write out a presentation script. I have enough going on in my life right now — there’s not enough room for illness.

What Grinds our Gears: A hate letter to my Wi-Fi stick

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The wi-fi symbol
PHOTO: Dreamlike Street / Unsplash

By: Kelly Chia, Editor-in-Chief

Have you ever wanted to play a game, only to realize it would take you three whole days to download said game? Hopefully not. My Wi-Fi stick does, though. And I don’t want to hear that I can just try and figure out how to wire ethernet up from the living room to my bedroom, because, frankly, I am not a woman of solutions. I just want to complain that it takes me two days to download an update to Genshin Impact. How can I live, laugh, love in these trying times when I keep getting spoiler fanart for the latest storyline?! It takes so long for my computer to load games that usually I just give up and go to sleep. I know this is fixable, but I’m too afraid to open up my computer to replace the ancient Wi-Fi stick in there. Really, this is a complaint more of my own hubris, but for this brief article, please give me (1) sympathy.

What Grinds our Gears: Poorly constructed scientific papers

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Bacteria on a petri dish
PHOTO: Michael Schiffer / Unsplash

By: Daniel Salcedo Rubio, Features Editor

I’m a grad student in STEM. I know — it’s my own doing, and there’s no one to blame but myself for having to read overly complicated scientific papers every week. What annoys me is not the act of reading, nor the extra mental resources I invest in understanding complex analysis, but how frequently I come across poorly constructed papers.

I’ll begin with a bit of clarification: the complexity of the analysis or methods does not equal poor construction. Unless you have some experience in that paper’s specific knowledge area, it’s likely you’re going to find some hard-to-understand terms or relatively complicated concepts here and there. By poorly constructed papers, I mean papers with three very pretty figures that are the equivalent of wedding centrepieces — pretty, but completely useless. I’m talking about papers so poorly constructed you have to re-read them time and time again because there’s no cohesion or order to them.

A little tip to my dear scientist et al.: if your “supplemental” information is so essential to the core understanding of your paper — to the point where you reference it more than the actual figures in your paper — it really isn’t supplemental at all, is it? I know fitting all your research into a single paper is hard, and it’s even harder to determine what to keep in the paper itself and what to leave as supplemental information, but some of you really need to hire an editor.

Broadway Across Canada’s Hadestown masterfully delivers its cyclical love story

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Will Mann Amaya Braganza J. Antonio Rodriguez and Company in Hadestown North American Tour 2023.
Photo courtesy of T-Charles-Erickson

By: Kelly Chia, Editor-in-Chief

You might know the Greek myth of Orpheus: the talented musician who journeys to rescue his wife, Eurydice, from the underworld. Hades promises Orpheus he can have Eurydice only if he walks out of the underworld without looking back. Famously, his doubt overtakes him, and he looks back at the last moment, losing Eurydice forever. This myth seems like a simple story of naïvete — and yet, it still captures the imagination. In Anaïs Mitchell’s Hadestown, audiences reckon with the love story of Orpheus and Eurydice in the cozy setting of a New Orleans speakeasy. Mitchell tackles themes of industrialism and climate change through the gods Hades and Persephone’s fraught relationship with each other, brilliantly grounding Greek mythos into a jazzy, hopeful performance for modern audiences. 

The talented cast at Broadway Across Canada just put on Hadestown at the Queen Elizabeth Theatre, and The Peak attended their opening performance. Although the seats around me were filled with hundreds of attendees, the intimate atmosphere of the stage drew me right in. 

The musical is narrated by the spirited and charismatic messenger god, Hermes (Will Mann), who acts as Orpheus’ guide. Hermes tells us that Orpheus (J. Antonio Rodriguez) is touched by the gods, and indeed, Rodriguez’s performance brings you into the mind of a naïve yet inspired boy with hopes to better the world. His first lines immediately charm the audience. After being told by Hermes to “take it easy” on his crush, Orpheus blurts, “Come home with me,” to Eurydice (Amaya Braganza.) The audience laughs, and their mythic story starts.

It’s also Hermes who introduces us to the brilliant performers playing the gods, Hades and Persephone, whose relationship brings the very seasons of the world. The two are dynamically opposed — the goddess of spring, played by Lana Gordon, dances onto the stage, bringing it to life with the pep of a live firecracker. Meanwhile, industrial, thrumming instrumentals back Hades (Matthew Patrick Quinn), god of the underworld. I found Quinn’s bass voice and his gravitas ideal for a god who commands the underworld, where Eurydice finds herself. Hades and Persephone have a terrible quarrel, manifesting as a storm on the surface. Braganza’s performance here stuns; she belts heartfelt notes, begging for mercy under the deadly storm, and she is impossible to look away from. 

It takes some brilliant acting from Rodriguez to have left Eurydice to die alone, and still feel like a believable hero. We empathize with his struggles through the underworld to find Eurydice in one of the strongest numbers of the show, “Wait for Me,” where the stage and chorus morph from smalltown speakeasy to the looming industrial walls of the titular Hadestown, where the dead toil. 

Although I’ve praised the impressive vocal performances of this cast, one moment in the play really struck me. As Hades hesitantly sings his courting song to Persephoneone he hasn’t sung in a very, very long timethe two embrace. The band softens to gentle lulls. Hermes breathlessly says, “And brother, you know what they did? They danced!” And they do, to a rousing instrumental of strings, playing to a world that has woken up. Tears pricked my eyes as Quinn and Gordon held each other like old lovers learning to laugh again.

Hadestown ends the same way Orpheus’ tale does, after Mitchell makes you see how love drives gods and men, and how that, in turn, empowers the world. But Hadestown certainly doesn’t end pessimistically. Instead, the central theme of the musical is Orpheus’ unending hope that love is enough to save his Eurydice, and even the world. Even though we know his tale ends, the cast will sing their stories again and again, hoping one day, the two will have a happy ending, and our world in turn will look as hopeful as Orpheus envisioned. Hadestown is one of my favourite musicals, and the divinely touched cast at Broadway Across Canada nailed it. 

Catch more musicals from Broadway Across Canada at Queen Elizabeth Theatre as they grace the stage for Mean Girls January 23–28, 2024. 

Why am I paying for parking when there are no spots

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A very crowded parking lot at SFU
PHOTO: Afsaneh Keivanshekouh / The Peak

By: Kaja Antic, Sports Writer

I am not a fan of parking lots in the slightest, but especially when it comes to the stress of SFU parking lots.

Why is it nearly impossible to find parking anywhere on campus? The East Lot is MASSIVE, the North Lot is decently sized, and we have big parkades, but not one free spot in sight? 

Yes, I know it does get less crowded as the semester goes on. Yes, I know some hours and days are busier than others. But every year I’ve attended SFU, I’ve noticed a worrying amount of people circling the parking lots like sharks, trying to find the last remaining spots. 

One time, I got to campus at a reasonable time, and was unable to park my car ANYWHERE upon arriving. I searched every tier of the North Lot, circled the East Lot, went through every parkade level, and finally, FINALLY, found parking in the Residence West Lot — a 20 minute walk from where my class was.

It’s ridiculous a commuter school can barely provide parking for commuting students. I am very pro-transit, but it is very unreliable in my area and I prefer to, y’know, attend the classes I pay for on time. 

Also, on the topic of paying for stuff, why do I pay for parking in the first place? I already pay thousands in tuition and additional fees, so why do I have to pay for expensive daily parking or a semesterly permit that costs hundreds of dollars? I’m a college student, not Jeff Bezos — cut me some slack. 

What Grinds Our Gears: Forgetting Leftovers in the fridge

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A batch of leftovers in the fridge
PHOTO: Amirul Anirban / The Peak

By: Hailey Miller, Staff Writer

I absolutely adore leftovers. The exquisite joy of eating the same delicious meal more than once and not having to make anything is the ultimate win. I love leftovers so much, I look forward to eating them even more the second time around. If I’m thinking ahead, I make enough to have leftovers multiple times. It’s like the optimal food prep that wasn’t planned.

There’s really nothing bad about leftovers — until you forget them in the back of your fridge. The mouth-watering flavours of rot behind jars of fermented pickles and jugs of sour milk slipped your mind — what an absolute waste of a delicious meal. Are you really going to designate your favourite drool-worthy comfort food to the forgotten food graveyard alongside all the other funky fixings in your fridge? 

I know you’ll say you never intended to leave such an appetizing meal right on the top shelf where you’ve been staring at it for the past week. Let’s be real: you’ve been contemplating eating your poor meal for at least a few days, but decided to bite into something else instead. Not your finest moment. You could’ve avoided having to make a whole new meal, saved energy by not having to chop, cook, and kick the oven into overdrive, but instead, you had to turf those poor leftovers into your compost where they could’ve been easily enjoyed. So, let this be a lesson — don’t let your delectable leftovers go to waste!

Horribly installed illegal headlights

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A car with an extremely bright headlight
PHOTO: Harsahil Dhillon / The Peak

By: Olivia Visser, Copy Editor

What’s with all the blazing car headlights in recent years? Many of us have noticed, newspapers have written about it, and, shocker, people have crashed as a result of them. For the longest time, I thought half the drivers during my nighttime highway commutes bizarrely had their high beams on. Nope — just illegal headlights, baby!

There are laws about the maximum wattage allowed for headlights, but no one seems to care these days. And the problem isn’t just LEDs — xenon bulbs are much brighter, have a glaring blue tone, and half the time they’re installed incorrectly. Headlights are supposed to be aligned in such a way that illuminates the road, not the car in front of you. I am personally judging every single person who doesn’t know how to properly install headlights, yet insists on doing it themselves anyway.

Tell me, why do you feel the need to install these humorous yet hazardous bulbs? Do you think it makes you look snazzy? I thought that’s what your demon eye headlights were for, but now I can’t even see those, either. Bummer. Your sick lifted F-150 is a mere white smear in my rearview mirror, and don’t even get me started on oncoming traffic. At this point, I simply avert my gaze and pray for the best, lest be subjected to lingering splotches in my vision that are just wonderful when you’re driving at night. 

I’ll be honest, I pity these folks a little. I mean, it’s pretty sad that I can get around perfectly fine at night with 25-year-old halogens, while others feel the need to install military-grade spotlights on their cars. There’s nothing wrong with being afraid of the dark, but please don’t punish other road users with your ridiculous beacons.

Horoscopes: November 27–December 1

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An illustration of a girl, stars and astrological signs strewn in her hair.
ILLUSTRATION: Marissa Ouyang / The Peak

By: Hailey Miller, Staff Writer

With the winter solstice fast approaching, you better bundle up, get your skookum snow shovel out, and prepare to dive into the holiday chaos that’s about to ensue. 

Aries: March 21–April 19

Winter camping is your jam. By that, I mean staying inside with a warm blanket, a tasty snack, and an eau de pine. Who wants to be surrounded by the forest in frigid degrees, anyway? Forget s’mores and busting your butt chopping firewood; put on the TV fire log instead.

Taurus: April 20–May 21 

Ice, ice, baby! It’s time to skate the Robson Rink in a pair of skates that are either two sizes too big or too small (there’s no in-between). No one’s more prepared for the slick, black ice-covered sidewalks than you. Show ‘em what you’ve got and slip-slide around town like the robbers from Home Alone.

Gemini: May 22–June 20

Nothing excites you more during the holiday season than a tangled rats nest of lights. What better way to waste your time than attempting to untangle a bundled mess of bulbs that never worked in the first place? When one bulb goes out, they all follow suit. What a way to celebrate the non-existent glistening cheer!

Cancer: June 21–July 23

You hate the cold. Actually, you despise it. The summer baby in you can handle the heat, but the frigid, cold weather is just not your cup of tea. So, make some tea to soothe your fiery soul before it turns to ice when the clock strikes midnight on winter solstice night. 

Leo: July 24–August 23

You also hate the cold, but you prefer a cup of joe to warm your bones. Nothing but peppermint mochas and gingerbread lattes for you, fine coffee connoisseur! Cold winter mornings pair perfectly with caffeinated cheer alongside icicle-covered rooftops.

Virgo: August 24–September 22

It’s time to cozy up by the over-run furnace and wait out the snowstorm. The brisk winter breeze is no match for your chilly-fighting tactics. The heat machine has kicked into overdrive, and your oven is begging to be used to thaw out the last of the bitter cold.

Libra: September 23–October 23

Gingerbread spice is the next best thing to pumpkin spice (psst, it’s the same thing), and you know you’re gonna get a boatload of the spicy mix to add some pizzazz to your holiday coffees. Livin’ on nutmeg, cinnamon, and ginger is the ultimate winter dream.

Scorpio: October 24–November 21

Shovelling snow is your favourite pastime. As if shivering isn’t enough of a workout, shovelling six feet of snow just to get out your front door (forget going to work) will give you all the cardio you need.

Sagittarius: November 22–December 21

You were born for this. Literally. You thrive in the cold and you’re a night owl at heart. Born around the longest night of the year, you’re best friends with the winter darkness and practically live in the snow. 

Capricorn: December 22–January 20 

It’s snow season, and you’re so ready for it. You’re an icicle queen. Decked out in the season’s trendiest gloves, toque, scarf, vegan puffer coat, knee-high snow boots, and double-insulated pants, you’re the picture of frigid cold fashion.

Aquarius: January 21–February 18

Love is in the air this holiday season. Do you feel it? Mistletoe is most certainly not the rage. Your true love is heated blankets, freshly baked goods, and fuzzy socks as you watch the first few snowflakes drop.

Pisces: February 19–March 20

The winter solstice signals the stressor of finalizing your spring schedule and paying your tuition fees. Let’s face it, you’d rather be partaking in some retail therapy and stocking up on the warmest jackets and toques you can find, but a girl’s gotta save up for those chilling scholarly fees.

Why aren’t you answering my texts?

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Someone dressed up as a ghost.
PHOTO: Ryan Miguel Capili / Pexels

By: Sharon Ha, SFU student

Dear ghoster, 

Decades and centuries ago, all someone could do was cut you off in-person. Now they can leave you on read, delete the message thread, block you . . . But that’s not the issue here, right? So these are some things I speculate you — the person ghosting me — might be doing behind my back, ranging from worst-case scenarios to best.

1. The cold case 
This is the ultimate worst-case situation, and if the following things continue to happen, I will consider this a wake-up call!

  • The ghosting has been going on for a considerable time, ranging from weeks to months.
  • The person ghosting does not answer other social media invitations to chat.
  • Your roommate, whom I pleaded for answers, initially pretended not to understand English. When I called them out, they told me you were either dead or had moved to a different country. This means I’m not only ghosted but have been put in a coffin buried and there is nary a grave marker to indicate where my poor bones have been interred. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I will never see my date again.

2. The negligent boyfriend 
You’ve seen my text, you’ve been fantasizing about me, you’ve written notes worth of drafts on your iPhone 13 regarding what you’ll reply back until, in a bout of despair, you’ve come to the conclusion that I’m WAY out of your league and decided to leave things blank. And then there’s the case of the “negligent boyfriend.” Negligent boyfriends are notoriously busy — usually with games or talking to other friends — they don’t have this need to connect all the time. If this is the case, no need to worry! I’ll just work on my posture and myself — I’ve GOT this.

3. I’M ghosting YOU
Hello? I need to check my phone more, that’s all. You messaged me 30 days ago, right after I sent you a message, but I scrolled past or deleted the notification. Doubtful? Check right now. See? I was right. You are in the palm of my hand —  in fact, you’re following my social media a TON. You are down bad. Or the equivalent of being down bad for someone in a professional or friendly capacity. 

4. You’re seriously into Halloween
Not only are you more interested in watching Saw, Hereditary, Midsommar, IT, and other horror movies than speaking with me, but you’ve made your whole persona about the spooky season. Therefore, in the interest of being worthy of the word “ghosting,” you’re ignoring me and everyone else in your contact list. In this case, I’ll either do as you do — amp up the costumery and join the forces of evil with you, our “boo” — or I make a heel-face turn and find companionship with someone less . . . spooky.

Sincerely, 
The ghosted