By Jacob Samuel at The Daily Snooze
Good to Know!: March 19th
By Brad McLeod
A 42-year-old man in Vernon, British Columbia has stumped the scientific community by growing a full beard made of bees.
Tom Johnson, a school teacher, claims his bee beard only started to grow three months ago when he started using a new honey-based aftershave. “I woke up one morning and my face had broken out in hives,” Johnson explained, “and a week later my face was covered in tiny insects”.
After a visit to his dermatologist, Johnson was sent to various specialists in the field who could not explain his condition. “The bees seem to only grow on his face”, said Professor Bill Burnham, an expert in hair growth. “We’ve checked extensively and there are no bees in any other normal hair-growing areas.”
When asked how the problem could be solved, Burnham had no immediate solution. “I’m trying to develop a special razor for bee beards but the process is moving very slowly and he’s going to have to live with it for a while”.
Living with a beard of bees has been not easy task for Johnson, who says his personal and professional life is in shambles. “I can’t teach anymore because of kids allergies to bees, my wife won’t sleep in the same room as me because of the buzzing, and everywhere I grow I’m treated like some sort of attention-grabbing freak.”
Johnson says his life has been turned upside down by his bees. “I can’t go to grocery markets, restaurants … anywhere that doesn’t allow bees, which turns out to be a lot of places. I never asked for any of this, I just want my old beard back.”
World of News!: March 19th
Several reports are coming out of the Shell building in residence regarding the sighting of the rare and elusive seventh year student, a creature whose existence has long been speculated by prominent anthropology majors.
The last sighting of the mythical creature was in 2009, when a christian club spotted a shadowy figure in a bath-robe hunched over one of the sandwich trays. However this was never substantiated.
More recently, what was thought to be a seventh year’s nest was discovered in the basement of McTaggart-Cowan Hall. Tucked away in a storage closet, custodial workers found thesis drafts, shredded Mr. Noodle packages and SFU rec tags dating back 2004.
Administrators advised any students who spot the haggard creature to avoid any confrontation and immediately book an appointment to declare their major.
SFSS debates bring out few candidiates, crowds
By David Dyck
SUB discussion dominates discussion at both Surrey and Burnaby
Last week’s SFSS general election debates took place amongst little fanfare, as hopeful candidates faced off at Burnaby’s atrium cafeteria on Monday, and Surrey’s mezzanine on Tuesday. Both executive and at at-large and faculty representative debates were done back-to-back.
Only four of the six executive positions were contested. At Monday’s debate in Burnaby, Craig Pavelich of the Renew SFU slate, running for the internal relations officer, and current president Jeff McCann, running for university relations officer, were not in attendance. Of the 16 at-large and faculty representative positions, only the at-large and science representative positions are contested. Only six of the 16 candidates for non-executive positions participated.
The Burnaby debate, which was moderated by Independent Electoral Commission chief commissioner Ali Godson, gave the attending candidates the opportunity to present their platforms, and field questions from their opponents or the audience. After the first executive portion of the debate was over, however, half of the audience left, leaving just over 20 participants. The lack of candidates made for a much less intense debate than that which had characterized previous years. There was even less participation in the Surrey debate on Tuesday, with only nine contestants out of 29 participating.
A recurring theme in the debate was the issue of the potential student union building, a proposal that is being spearheaded by the current McCann administration.
All four external relations officer candidates were present for the Burnaby debate. Three of the four candidates, Wilson, Larsen, and Hankinson, came out in favour of Build SFU, identifying student space as an issue that this program is seeking to tackle.
The SUB issue also came up in the presidential debate, particularly between current member services officer Lorenz Yeung and Renew SFU candidate Ashleigh Kolla. Kolla asked Yeung about the referendum question of the levy to fund the SUB, claiming that there was a lack of student consultation prior to the election, and questioning the board’s trustworthiness in light of last year’s lockout. Yeung responded that he agreed that the board was not qualified to address all of the stakeholders, but that consultations would occur for three years before construction begins, under supervision of a project manager. Addressing the lockout, Yeung responded that all legal processes were followed. Kolla admitted that a student union building is needed, but said that the process in and of itself should be one that brings students together.
The issue of student space evoked the most passionate response of either debate from Kevin So. So was the only one of three science faculty candidates who participated in the science faculty representative debate in Surrey. He argued vehemently for the necessity of a games room for science students while waiting for a Build SFU’s SUB project to finish. “Vote for Kevin and I’ll make sure to get that room. If I have to pay for it I’ll do it, if I have do die for it, I’ll do it. I need this room, we all need this room, and I will make it happen no matter what,” said So in his closing statement.
Album review: Tiger Talk
Yukon Blonde’s acclaimed sound has jetpacked them across the border, and they’ve stopped only to fuel up on new tracks
Tiger Talk won’t contain any major surprises for those who have listened to the band’s previous work, but sometimes building on what you know is a better choice than starting something new, and Yukon Blonde’s second release marks an evolution to a more complex sound from their tried and true combination of energy and electric guitars.
The additional harmonies and further integration of acoustic stylings gives the listener a sense that the new tracks are more carefully planned out than their previous work. However, that fact may seem less surprising when you consider that their self-titled first album was recorded live-to-tape.
Cohesiveness lends itself to this more thought-out album, reflected heavily in “My Girl” and “Radio”, where the last few seconds of one carrying into the other. This also contributes to the continued theme of evolution, with each track seeming to build on the previous.
The lyrics of the album, though not usually particularly deep, lend themselves well to the music, as the vocals blend well with the instrumentals, while not being swallowed by them. The music is certainly catchy, and that seems to be what Yukon Blonde is going for, as they pull that feat off magnificently. The band has managed to make music that, makes you just want to be a part of it, whether that means belting along to the chorus of “Oregon Shores”, or dancing to the myriad of energetic songs.
All in all, Tiger Talk shows a band that knows where they’re going, and with it’s energy and dynamics, its music that demands attention. This isn’t music that you’ll be listening to while studying, but you will find few albums finer for when you’re in the mood to move.
Tiger Talk will be released March 20, and is currently streaming on Paste Magazine.
Pitcher-perfect week for Lukawesky
It was a good week for Cara Lukawesky. In a three day span, the star pitcher for the Clan softball team set a career-high in strikeouts with 10, pitched her first career no-hitter, and earned GNAC pitcher of the week for the second time this season. An impressive series of accomplishments at any time, but after a sub-par week from her beforehand, the feats were all the more welcomed.
The festivities began with a 9–2 victory over Northwest Nazarene University, the first of four straight meetings between the Clan and the Crusaders. Lukawesky went the distance in the matchup, though she did get off to a shaky start. After giving up two runs in the first inning, it looked like the losses from the week prior might have continued to mount. Instead, Lukawesky turned her performance — and the game — around quickly. She shut out NNU the rest of the game, striking out eight Crusaders over the next six innings. She had plenty of run support, but her stellar pitching didn’t require much help from her teammates.
“Cara got off to a rough start but she settled down and turned in a great performance,” said head coach Mike Renney. “Northwest Nazarene is a tough and scrappy team that wouldn’t go away,” he continued, but Lukawesky’s performance in the first contest of the four-game series was almost enough in itself.
Lukawesky would take the field again in the team’s third consecutive matchup, after number-two pitcher Kelsie Hawkins pitched a complete game herself in a 2–0 win in the second game of the series. Not to be outdone by her teammate’s shutout game, the Clan ace improved on her 10-strikeout performance by throwing the first no-hitter of her career. She pitched seven strikeouts in the Clan’s 6–0 win, her eighth win of the season. Again, six runs from the offense will keep a team in almost any game, but Lukawesky’s pitching didn’t require much help on the scoreboard. Over her 14 innings in the two games she played, Lukawesky allowed just four hits while striking out 17 Crusader batters.
Her hitless game set the tone for the Clan’s next game, as the team took the fourth contest 7–1, sweeping the series on the back of incredible pitching from both Lukawesky and Hawkins.
“I think any team in the conference would like to get two pitching performances like we got,” said Renney. And as brilliant as she was, Lukawesky wasn’t about to take much credit whatsoever.
“The team played great today,” she said. “My catcher [Brittany Ribeiro] called a great game and I was hitting my spots. The no-hitter was really just a combination of Brittany calling a great game and the defense playing well behind me.”
Despite her humility, she was named the GNAC pitcher of the week for the second time this season, while her no-hitter was the first seven-inning no-hitter in the GNAC since 2005. As hard as she tries to deflect the praise, it’s hard to deny her incredible play when there’s plenty of evidence to back it up.
And of course, it helps when the offense outscores the opposition 24–3 over four games.
After dropping three of their previous four, the quick and impressive turnaround from the Clan is a promising indication of the character the squad preached before the season. With a series of tough matchups ahead, the Clan look to be back on track, thanks in large part to the stellar play of their ace pitcher.
A ‘Melo end to Linsanity
When several players from the New York Knicks went down, a no-name rookie unexpectedly led the Knicks on a 6-1 tear — notably in the absence of ‘star’ player Carmelo Anthony. That rookie, of course, would be Jeremy Lin, and with his compelling underdog story, Lin brought a lot of positive publicity to a team in dire need of it. Unfortunately the Knicks still have a few hurdles to cross, and one of their biggest obstacles is Lin’s teammate and star player Carmelo Anthony.
Anthony is the big man on campus, so to speak, to whom James Dolan, the owner of the New York Knicks, owes $85 million over the next four years. Anthony’s groin injury put him out of commission for seven games, paving the way for Linsanity. In his absence, the Knicks built up positive chemistry and relied mainly on Lin for offence. And, upon Anthony’s return to the Knicks on February 20, the Knicks lost to the New Jersey Nets 100–92. While the team would naturally need time to adjust after playing — and winning — without Carmelo for a considerable amount of time, Lin still managed to score 10 points more than Anthony in his return.
That was February 20, and now almost one month later, there is still no chemistry between the two despite the fact that there are no particular hard feelings between them, or so they claim. The main problem remains that they are simply unable to play together. Both are strong offensively, but it seems that Anthony is unable to accept a rookie like Lin getting an equal amount of playing time, as well as the confidence of the rest of the team. Given Anthony’s reputation as an over-confident ball hog, this equality thing can’t be good for his ego. When his ego isn’t being fed on time, then everyone around him is likely suffering the consequences.
There’s no doubt that Carmelo Anthony has skill. Even former Nuggets GM Kiki Vandeweghe, who once employed Anthony, once claimed that he “can score from anywhere, on anybody.” But basketball is not a one-man sport; harmonious team work is essential and Anthony is clearly a pitch or two off. People have called him everything from an “arrogant hoodlum” to an all-time “ball stopper”, all of which suggest that Carmelo is no team player. Since his return to New York’s lineup, the Knicks are actually playing better on both sides of the ball when Anthony is warming the bench, rather than trying to sweep the courts.
To compound the matter, Knicks head coach Mike D’Antoni resigned last week, not willing to cater to the controversial Anthony. The marriage was doomed to fail
from the start.
Anthony prefers a slower tempo where he can thrive in isolation while D’Antoni is noted for his free-wheeling up-tempo coaching style. Anthony and D’Antoni were never going to work together; it was clear one had to leave, and it clearly wasn’t going to be the guy with $85 million left on his contract. Rick Carlisle, the current head coach of the Dallas Mavericks and one of the only 11 people ever to win an NBA championship as both a player and a coach, has asserted on numerous occasions that D’Antoni is a guru in terms of managing a team’s offense. Carlisle reportedly claimed that Mike D’Antoni was “the best coach of point guards in the last decade”, which explains Lin’s success. D’Antoni’s system created an environment in which Lin was able to thrive and play at his best. With him gone, it is uncertain whether a new coach will even give Lin the same court time, let alone design plays for him.
Anthony’s return, and subsequent resignation of D’Antoni, leaves far more questions than answers. In the current situation where Anthony seems to lack chemistry with virtually every person on his team, would the Knicks be better off without him? If the Knicks play better with Carmelo warming the bench, as the statistics would suggest they do, then he also probably isn’t as valuable to the team as he thinks he is. Anthony seems to have single handedly negated every bit of hope that Lin was able to shine on the Knicks, and with a little over a month left to move up from ninth in the Eastern Conference and into playoff contention, a discordant team, and no coach — is it too late to undo the damage?
Canuck Killers
Thanks to Bill Shakespeare — and more recently, George Clooney — the ides of March are a well-known time of the year. Apparently, we’re meant to be wary of it, but as a hockey fan, one can’t help but look forward to it. As the calendar hits mid-March, playoff races are in full swing, and each game means so much. Save for the playoffs themselves, there is no more exciting time in hockey. At the time of publication, Colorado is clinging to the eighth and final playoff berth in the West, but by the time you read this, they could be as high as sixth or as low as 11th. The day after that, well, who knows?
Currently, the Vancouver Canucks have a firm hold on the second seed in the Western Conference, but are in a race of their own. They have a shot at retaking the number-one spot, but they appear to be content just coasting into the post-season (much to the ire of Canuck fans the world over). It would take a catastrophic collapse for them to miss the playoffs at this point, but with such a logjam between the five or six teams hovering around that eighth seed, it would be frivolous to predict the Canucks first-round opponent. It really doesn’t matter if the Canucks finish first or second, because who finishes seventh or eighth could be determined on the final day of the season.
With that in mind, here are the three teams that would likely give the Canucks the most trouble should they meet come the ides of April.
3. Calgary Flames
Regardless of where these two teams are in the standings, neither has ever had a decisive edge over the other in head-to-head matchups.
The Flames had been riding the consistently stellar play of goaltender Miikka Kiprusoff until a few weeks ago, when the whole team seemingly caught fire (pardon the pun). Kiprusoff is still playing fantastically, and he’s capable of bringing an offensively starved team within a goal of the Stanley Cup. Of course, Calgary is a much different team than they were in 2004, but one thing that hasn’t changed, aside from their goalie’s play, is that of their captain. Jarome Iginla, a notoriously slow starter, was a focal point of trade rumours early in the season. Now, however, he’s on top of his game and is playing some of his best hockey of the past few seasons.
The Flames are hot, led by a star goalie and a surging captain. They always seem to get up for matchups against their divisional rival, and always have a chance to beat them.
2. Chicago Blackhawks
Really, who wouldn’t want this matchup again? Hawks’ captain Jonathan Toews has had some post-concussion complications, but there’s no denying the rivalry these two teams share.
The Blackhawks currently sit in the sixth seed, but are perilously close to falling down to seventh (or worse), but have all the right tools to go far in the playoffs (again), though they do lack a top-tier goaltender. Still, they have Patrick Kane, Duncan Keith, and Dave Bolland, all notorious Canuck-killers — and that’s excluding Toews. These two teams played one of the most exciting and memorable playoff series of the past few years, and most would kill to have it again — but it almost goes without saying that a matchup against the Hawks could spell danger for the Canucks.
1. Phoenix Coyotes
The Canucks lost to the Bruins last year because they couldn’t beat a hot goalie and were stifled by a stingy defensive team. They struggled to put away Nashville for many of the same reasons. Nashville wasn’t as deep offensively as Boston, and that naturally played into Vancouver’s favour, but still played Vancouver to one of the most even six-game series ever.
Phoenix is more like Nashville. They score by committee, play a suffocating defensive game, and have a goaltender playing pretty well in Mike Smith — all of which are factors that would be the bane of an offensive team like Vancouver. Two of the matchups between the teams ended as 2–1 finals, both in shootouts, speaking volumes about Phoenix’s ability to slow any game to a halt.
Vancouver thrives when playing an exciting, up-tempo brand of hockey. Take that away from them, and it could spell the Canucks’ undoing should the two teams meet early in April’s playoffs.
Residence needs more robust composting
Behind the residence dining hall there is a solitary green wheelie bin into which a handful of eager students dispose of their compost. This one small bin is underused and rarely full. Many of the students living in residence are not even aware that composting facilities exist on campus. As part of a class conservation project, I decided to look into ways to get students to use these facilities more.
Composting, the breaking down of organic material into nutrient rich soil, is a sustainable waste management practice many perform at home. By composting you allow nutrients to be returned to soils that will use them, rather than taking up room in landfills.
Although I have been living in residence since September, when I began this project I was completely unaware that SFU even offered any composting services. In this I was not alone. A survey that I sent out to my fellow residents shows that 81 per cent of students living in residence were not aware of the opportunity for composting facilities.
I sent out a survey to as many residents as I could. The results showed a shocking lack of awareness of the composting program, with 81 per cent of respondents saying that they did not know about the composting facilities. However, this does not imply that SFU students are unwilling to compost. In fact the opposite seems to be true with an overwhelming 81 per cent of students saying that they would be happy to participate in a more user-friendly composting program. But for those students living in townhouses and those residences not so close to the dining hall, taking out the compost is a pain.
One of the remits of SFU residence is to be as sustainable as possible. Reducing the amount of waste being sent to landfills and incinerators is an easy and efficient way to help achieve this goal. Because of the concentration on sustainability SFU has installed recycling bins alongside the garbage cans in residences equipped with kitchens and they are regularly collected. The logical thing to do would be to supply kitchens with a composting bin and have the compost taken out with the garbage. Currently this is done in an opt-in system but students, being what they are, rarely do this.
There is an initiative set up by Sustainable SFU, the Zero Waste Initiative, which is doing a damn fine job. They are responsible for the compost bins that are now at the food outlets on campus, but it seems that SFU residence and the rest of SFU operate in relative isolation of one another so integrating the two has proven difficult.
For now my goal is to get more people composting in residence by increasing awareness of the facilities. Perhaps if enough people show that they are willing and want to compost, SFU residence will rethink their position and provide more accessible and user-friendly composting facilities. Until that point, SFU residents who would like to compost must take their (and perhaps floormates’) compost to the bin themselves. For anyone who needs a compost bucket, Booster Juice in Cornerstone has agreed to provide them free of charge or you could use any old Tupperware or pail. Alternatively you can buy one from Reslife for $12, along with bags for $5.
Obviously there will always be some people who will take out their compost regardless of the distance involved, perhaps even other people’s too, but the sustainability of SFU residences should not rest on the shoulders of those long-suffering, sandal-wearing folk.
