American Express CEO vows to attract more customers with bad credit

NEW YORK — In a brief moment of honesty, American Express CEO Kenneth Chenault announced to reporters that the company’s recent financial difficulties had...

Lupus thrilled by advances in cancer research

VANCOUVER — Thanks to the seemingly endless events and promotions designed to bring awareness to and research cancers, the disease is becoming more and...

Letters to the Humour Editor

Dear Editor, Do you think you’d ever do a “Letters to the Editor” segment in the humour section, you know where people write in questions...

Thousands feared dead in plane crash by imaginative, pessimistic man

PHOENIX, AZ — Although no casualties, injuries, or even plane crashes have been reported in the state of Arizona recently, according to the imagination...

Successful Connections

Did you see someone, meet them and were left knowing whether or not they had feelings for you? Successful Connections is a feature that allows people to...

Manifesto Corner: Men of Boner Hill Unite!

This week’s manifesto was sent to us by Eric P. and features the demands of a coalition of SFU men frustrated by unseemly erections caused...

Local man unaware of what an asshole you think he is

YOUR REGION — A local man who is just going about his day reportedly has no idea how much of a douchebag you think...

SFU Art Gallery has new “bathroom graffiti” exhibit, reports student who took wrong turn

BURNABY — According to Tim Burns — a student who must have taken a wrong turn somewhere on his way to the Art Gallery...

Beedie disappointed by reprehensible behavior at their frosh’s failure to receive national attention

BURNABY — With the recent shocking revelations that university frosh activities include idiotic and mindless mob mentality making headlines across the country, SFU’s business...