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Roommate swears he should have more beers left in fridge

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THE TOWNHOUSES — SFU student, Bill Ryan, told reporters Monday that he strongly believes he should have more beers left in his fridge.

His claim was made according to his rough estimates of how much he drank this weekend, and how much he now has left. Foul play is suspected.

While Bill claims to have bought two cases on Friday, he now only has seven beers left, a nearly 86% decrease.

“I won’t even have enough to get drunk again this week, I’ll have to go out again and get more, it’s very sad,” he told the press. “I know my roommates were short on beer before the weekend started, and I don’t think they bought any more.”

He also let reporters know that he doesn’t mind when his roommates drink his beer, as long as they replace it, although his roommates were quick to discredit his claims.

“He’s a drunk,” remarked roommate, Jason Boyce. “He was blackout drunk Friday and Saturday, and then Sunday when we got back from the bar he accidently left lasagne in the microwave for 80 minutes and passed out in the shower with his clothes on, so what does that tell you?”

His roommates went on to comment that Bill could have easily drank the 41 beers over the weekend. “He doesn’t puke, he’s got a stomach of steel” explained his other roommate Andrew Wagner, justifying the claims.

When Bill was informed about his roommates’ comments about his stomach, though flattered, he insisted “that still doesn’t change the facts.”

“The beer consumed would have totalled about 14 beers a night,” Bill explained, perplexed, “and that’s just the pre-drink, everyone knows it’s at the bar where I really get down to business, there’s just no way I could have done that.”

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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society