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Rapper rumoured to have penned new album in which he discusses his superior merits

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NEW YORK — Exciting news emerged last weekend as an iMessage leak revealed information on the subject matter of a popular gangsta-rapper’s not-yet-released album. According to sources at The Peak, the new songs carefully describe ways in which the artist is superior to his rivals.

Early reports have also mentioned that the police and the recording industry may also have been said to be deficient in a comparative standing to the artist.

While the news of the braggadocio has been confirmed, the exact qualities the artist will boast about are still in question. Over half of the boastings are rumoured to be related to the confidence the rapper has in his superior ability to rap.

Beyond this, many are speculating that the qualities could be as wide-ranging as his extraordinary accumulation of wealth to how many women were interested in participating in sexual intercourse with him. Experts say the song’s title, [sic] ‘paPUh FLOodd’ is an allusion to the numerous banknotes that the artist has in his possession.

The sexual exploits of the rapper have drawn the most interest from those anticipating the release. An excited fan told The Peak “Well, in one of his last albums we found out that ‘[his] bitch sucked [his] dick on [his] fucking private jet’*, so it’ll be fascinating to get an update on their lifestyle.”

The fan also elaborated on the possible evolution of the rapper’s motifs. Speculating that it is very likely the artist will bring some incredibly groundbreaking improvements to the industry. “That’s this guy’s thing, man, he changes the whole game up — every, single, time.“

He concluded by posturing that the artist may mention which kind of private jet he receives fellatio on, as well as the altitude of the plane or planes on which said fellatio occurred.

When reached for a comment, the rapper only responded with the message ‘4eva’ which was sent to the press in the form of a diamond-encrusted, four-finger ring.

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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society