By: Hana Hoffman, Peak Associate
ANNOUNCEMENTS
HOUSING AVAILABLE FOR RENT
Comfortable 1-bedroom home with shared bunk bed, only 50 kilometres from SFU Burnaby campus, starting at just $1,340 per month (plus utility fees, parking permit, and wifi). Meals are not included, but the location is convenient as there is a McDonald’s about 20 minutes away by bus, and an IHOP about 15 minutes away if you’re a fast runner (and probably like a 25-minute jog on the way back after stuffing yourself with those yummy pancakes). Apply to rent this room today!
THE RATS ARE BACK, PLEASE STAY AWAY FROM ALL CAFETERIAS
If you’ve been going to SFU for a while, you may already know there is a recurring rat problem on the Burnaby campus. This happens whenever a new rat is elected for mayor of the rodent municipality, and all the rats in the community want to honour and show respect to the new ruler by giving them plenty of food. This is when they come inside the cafeterias to steal any food they can find and quickly run away before the staff can catch them. As a result, SFU will keep all cafeterias closed this week while Campus Security guards these spaces to ensure that no rats are sneaking in and out.
ACTIVITIES AND EVENTS
PROFESSIONAL PRANK CALLING WORKSHOP
Have you ever considered studying towards a prank call-related occupation when you’re older? If yes, then this workshop is for you! Get hands-on experience with phone calling, using unrecognizable voices, scamming people for money, and impressing your friends with your brilliant skills. This workshop will focus on impersonating famous celebrities, such as Michael Jackson, Beyoncé, and Justin Timberlake, to pretend to sell and ship exclusive merchandise for them. Only 3 spots are left; secure yours today!
OPPORTUNITIES FOR YOU
GET ADVICE ON YOUR PENCIL CASE CONTENT FROM HIGHLY EXPERIENCED EXPERTS
What you carry in your pencil case is the most influential variable of the scientific experiment that is studying at SFU. Learn what colours and types of pens, brands of sticky notes, and energizing snacks to carry around to maximize your success. Academic success always starts from the kind of stationery you use. For example, if you keep using those refillable lead pencils that break every minute, you’ll use up all your spare time looking for more lead and have none left for actually getting your homework done. And, if you don’t use at least 3 different colours in a paragraph, you’ll be so bored out of your mind you’ll never be motivated to read again.
It’s time to sharpen your uni life. Book a consultation today, and get 5% off your next visit!
CALLING ALL DREAMERS, COUCH POTATOES, AND SLEEP ENTHUSIASTS
Executive positions for SFU Napping Club are now available! Send your resume to [email protected] along with your favourite dream/nightmare you had last week and an explanation of why it’s worth sharing. BONUS: Tell us what song you’d choose to be the theme song of your dream if it were a movie. Deadline to apply: Saturday, July 8.
P.S. It’s okay if you don’t get chosen to be an exec; you’re still invited to attend our fun events! Our next social will be a group napping session in SFU’s nap room, so stay tuned!
RESOURCES
Click on any of these links to help you in the long run!
Relationship advice: How to pick up dates in your major
Finances: How to pay off your student loans
Mental health: How to take control of your day-to-day anxiety
Academic success: How to prepare for midterms in four easy steps
