By: Dev Petrovic, Peak Associate
Dear Centre for Accessible Learning,
Word around campus tells us you’re able to pull some strings and make things happen, and we wanted to get in on that. We are the SFU Centralized Union for Mid-focused Students, or, as we are commonly referred to: the chrnically oline. We do not claim that term. But anyone can form a union, so here we are. At this time, lectures at SFU do not include side-play videos of mobile games like Subway Surfers. We demand this changes across all SFU campuses — if that means ignoring CAL students’ needs even more to get it done, so be it. It’s the only way to make SFU an accessible place for everyone.
We are students who have adapted to the simultaneous streaming trends of TikTok, and now only have the attention spans to consume information if there’s side-by-side video footage of a stranger playing a mobile game. You may wrongfully believe this would be a distraction for other students. This is partially true: they would be distracted from fully experiencing the Subway Surfers stream while partially paying attention to their lecture. The psychology checks out and the method is foolproof.
Since lectures are already boring, SFU has nothing to lose by integrating mobile game side-streaming, and will only gain brighter individuals with a “renewed sudden interest” in their major and excellent “endless runner” game skills. These are valuable and highly applicable assets to students entering the post-graduation world in this economy. Sometimes we can learn just as much about quantum physics from Subway Surfers as some old guy with glasses and a “ten-yer,” whatever that means. Alternatively, SFU is also welcome to expand their range of educational videos to include ASMR soap-carving (teaches you how to waste soap), slime-making (chemistry), and hydraulic press compilations (sexy).
What would this cost SFU? Money from their budget. But, finances and logistics are hardly relevant since money is more of an imaginary concept and side-streaming is a heavily integrated, highly valued, and relied-on aspect of society. Most importantly, with these integrations SFU would become the first university in the world to recognize and utilize Subway Surfers side-streaming as a mode of educational support. You can’t get any more engaged with the world than that!
It’s critical for students’ health and well-being to be given the same opportunities to thrive despite systemic and institutional barriers, which is why this should be the priority and not anything else. Based on research (a cute way of saying we don’t have to prove it), students who get what they ask for from their universities — like Subway Surfers side-play — are far less likely to write hate mail to a certain student resource created to advocate for and accommodate students. It’s also historically true that universities who don’t do exactly as they’re told will be very sorry and shouldn’t be surprised when an anonymous hacker hijacks every SFU monitor to stream Sandwich Runner, the mobile game. Our point being, if you care about us at all, you’ll just do it — even though we’ll probably make it happen anyways.
Sincerely,
SFU CUMS (Centralized Union for Mid-focused Students)
