What Pop-Tart flavour are you?

By: Hannah Kazemi, Staff Writer, Brainwashed by Teen Vogue

If you’re anything like me, you spent many late nights as a 12-year-old flipping through pink-centric girlie tween magazines. You read about all of the latest celeb gossip and took many arbitrary quizzes. Finding out what my choice in glitter shape says about what career I should go into really enlightened me. To give you a taste of the absurdity that was teen girl magazine content, we present this quiz to provide a completely factual and unbiased read of your character.

Question 1

You have three hours between classes every Thursday, and your classes are downtown. How do you spend that time?

1. You go to Breka and ask to sit at someone’s table (tables at Breka are hot real estate). You discover they’re visiting Vancouver for the first time so you add them on Instagram and DM them a list of all the must-do things while they’re here. You include links and everything.
2. Go to office hours and fill the entire three hours talking your prof’s ear off about the paper due this week, his dog, your dog, grad school, and which TA has better fashion sense.
3. Try to get work done and listen to some music, but become bored and wander off downtown to find something to eat. You treat yourself every week you’re here. At what point does ordering your usual from the same food truck lose its “treat” status?

Question 2

McFogg comes to life and asks you for some “help with his homework.” Do you:

1. Say “yes” enthusiastically because you mistake his suggestiveness with genuine need for help.
2. Say “yes” because you’ve always had a thing for McFogg and have been waiting for this day.
3. Say “no” immediately because you’re not into furry costumes.

Question 3

Do you sleep with socks on?

1. Sometimes, because they keep your little toesies warm and cozy.
2. Yes, but only one. Sleeping with both on would throw off your body heat. It’s perfectly balanced between “warm” and “one foot out for the monsters to grab.”
3. Absolutely not. You’re not a monster!

Question 4

You go to the bathroom at your friend’s house and after you do your business you realize there’s no more toilet paper. Do you:

1. Use tissues in the meantime, then subtly let your friend know that they’re out. You don’t want them to feel bad.
2. Drip dry.
3. Text your friend that there’s no more toilet paper and have them toss you a roll as you crack the door.

Question 5

Your friends invite you to happy hour at Cactus Club for girl’s night. Do you:

1. Treat everyone to an appy because they’ve all been working so hard this semester (and because happy hour prices make your wallet feel generous! Those truffle fries are so hard to resist).
2. The happy hour menu overwhelms you, so you convince the group to order one of everything and share. You hate half of it but won’t admit it, at risk of your friends calling you impulsive. Again.
3. You order the chicken lettuce wraps (duh) and a bellini (duh) because it’s Sunday Funday, baby!

If you answered Mostly A’s

You are the frosted confetti cupcake Pop-Tart. You’re very sweet (almost overwhelmingly so), but the fun sprinkles on top distract from the sickly sweet pure-sugar taste of the icing. You send memes to your friends professing your undying love to them because you think that they deserve to have their day brightened. Little do you know that after a couple of bites, you’re kinda hard to swallow.

If you answered Mostly B’s

You are the frosted grape Pop-Tart. Gross. Grape is everybody’s least favourite flavour. Your friends are tired of hearing your rendition of Taylor Swift’s “Karma,” partly because you do too much and partly because it sounds like every other generic pop song ever. They see the value in giving 100% when it comes to your “passions,” but only when your baseline energy level isn’t 150%. Maybe stop being weird?!

If you answered Mostly C’s

You are the frosted strawberry Pop-Tart. A classic. The crowd favourite. The one that gets picked first because everyone knows they can rely on you to bring them joy. Familiar and perfectly balanced between being sweet and tart, you’re a simple gal who doesn’t ask for much. This makes you the perfect friend.