By: C Icart, Staff Writer
Prozac and I are high school sweethearts. I met them as I was rebounding from Zoloft — that relationship was so toxic. We’ve been on-again-off-again ever since, but I actually think we’re soulmates. I’m not myself without them! They make me so happy, or at least, less unhappy. And sometimes what you need is stability instead of passion you know? We were set up by my family doctor. She didn’t even know if we’d be right for each other, but I took the gamble. And we’re still together after all these years!
What’s our secret? The element of surprise, honey! Prozac never lets it get boring. They constantly surprise me with new side effects. I still remember the first time they made me start sweating profusely out of nowhere. The outdoor lunch in a t-shirt in the middle of February that followed was soooooo romantic.
Prozac also helps me grow as a person you know? And that’s so important. Like when they started preventing me from orgasming, I learned that it’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey! They are so considerate. Sometimes they keep me up alllllllll night. You know? Cuz of the insomnia . . . (get your head out of the gutter, I’m being vulnerable here!).
Prozac pushes me. Every time they give me a new side effect, it’s like unlocking a new level of difficulty in our relationship. Cuz if we can get through all of this together, we can literally move mountains together you know? It like . . . strengthens our bond.
Omg, and sometimes they still make me so nervous . . . But that’s how you know my feelings are real. WebMD calls it nausea, I call it butterflies in my stomach. Prozac truly makes me swoon.
And they’re sooooo fun. With them, one glass of wine feels like three. Like I’m literally on the ground laughing you know? Oh my god.
I can’t wait to see where this goes. Like they’re definitely my forever love you know? Like they love me so much, they can get so jealous you know? Like if I don’t talk to them everyday, like, the withdrawals are so intense. But I’d never leave, I’m so loyal like that, you know? It’s not always perfect, but love is all about compromise!
