SFU’s Video Game production = GAME OVER

Achievement Unlocked: Student debt

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Author: Ana Staskevich, Staff Writer

HELLO GAMERS AND GALS, it’s ya boy here with another video game review and I gotta say, this is the first time I COULDN’T finish a video game. Simon Fraser University assumed they could just produce a VIDEO GAME about their school. As a dedicated, full-time gamer, I’ll try anything once but SFU: Student Life is a bit different than the games I’m used to reviewing.

I’ll be honest…

It’s fucking depressing.

Student Life is a multiplayer game that connects you to other “students.” Once you got it all set up (a process that needs a pre-approval from the Gamemakers, which takes about a month, and then you’re dealing with a lengthy download time), you finally get started. Additionally, there is an option to get a “Scholarship Extension” which gives you more quests but lags the fuck out of your PC.

One CRAZY thing about the game is a connection to the Wi-Fi network SFUNET-SECURE is required. This whole system is buggy to say the least — on the daily, it glitched out and disconnected me even though I put in the valid credentials! Major embarrassment.

By the way, this game is unplayable without the add-ons (the Health extensions, the “Upper Division Enrolment” pack, the Study-Night-At-Bennett DLC, etc) and you gotta pay the “real life” rate of tuition to play. This is all in their Terms and Conditions btw . . . who reads that shit anyway?

The main point of the game is that you can choose and play through a “Major,” which is in your stats and can be changed throughout your game journey. This, however, can only be done by interacting with Advisor NPCs, who get harder and harder to find as you progress through the levels. In order to complete the main quests by attending Lectures, you need to get tools by paying real life money. This pay-to-win is BULLSHIT. I already have a video game controller and now they want me to connect some piece of crap called an iClicker!!?

You gotta level up through points, or “units.” As a Student, you go through being “First Year” etc with the final level being “Graduation.” I personally did not take a straight path to “Graduation,” because this game really DOES NOTHING to lead you in any proper direction. Graduation, for those of you still reading, was just a cut scene that lead to “Further Learning” DLC… which, in case you haven’t followed along, costs a SHIT TON of money. Like, a lot. More than I have as a Professional Gamer.

One thing this game really lacks is the option to teleport to important areas on the map — it was a pain in the ass to walk LITERALLY everywhere, since all the buildings are spaced out and your tiny student feet can only do so much. Seeing my in-game sprite waddle around with the pace of a turtle was true commitment to realism.

With the latest update of the game, I got the amazing privilege of dealing with the newest challenge called the “Construction Labyrinth.” This jacks up the coding like nobody’s business  and forces the map to restructure the layout. Sometimes you can just clip through the labyrinth, but usually you’ll be stuck in an impossible timed maze trying to complete Classes.

Pain. In. My. Ass.

All in all, I personally found this game fucking chaotic. It gives you a sense of real life STRESS with a touch of dissociation — but from what I’ve heard, this is the SFU experience.

Playability: Poor
Graphics: Weather dependent
Overall rating: Maclean’s gives it first place in comprehension, I give it a 2/10

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