Written by: Apple Cabrera

Can’t decide on a major? Been in uni for two years too long and still cycling through departments? Just can’t seem to pass that last PHIL 400 course? Have no fear — world literature is the major for you.

To list a few, here are some of the perks you’ll be looking forward to:

1. Think you know how to close-read? Think again. In your first course, you’ll learn how to read so closely the grease on your nose will make patterns on your overpriced bookstore-bought copy of some-random-book-you’ll-never-read-again. When you finish the course, you’ll start to overanalyze everything without being aware of it — from that new Christopher Nolan film to your distant and disillusioned relationship. You’ll get so good at making arguments and theses on the spot that you’ll start making them out of nothing.
2. If you’re a hoarder of books, then this is the major for you. You’ll end up sending thank-you letters to Amazon Prime and various websites that offer free PDF downloads of that impossibly-hard-to-find-18th-century-novel for saving your ass. That, or you try to cruise through the semester pretending like you have read three out of the six assigned novels. Ever heard the Japanese term “tsundoku”? It means to buy books and let them pile up unread. Accept it early — this is what you will become.
3. You’ll start hoarding theories, too. Forget trying to remember all the pop culture you used to love, because all of your brain space is going to be filled with philosophers and theorists. You firmly believe in your capability to regurgitate their ideas, and you try to, except they somehow emerge from you phrased in the vocabulary of a fifth-grader. And even then, people still don’t understand what you’re getting at.
4. You’ll have Dr. Deggan for at least one course per semester for four years. You’ll start speaking like him, and writing like him. Hell, maybe you’ll even dress like him. Your social life will slowly become performative, and your friends will start asking why you’re talking to them as if you’re playing a major role in a play. Oh, and get over your fear of public speaking, fast — seriously. Or tape your shaking hands to the podium. Because it’s all about presentations over here.
5. Lastly, along with all these benefits, you’ll get the pleasure of working in close-knit settings with about 10 of the same people in each course per semester. Get ready to know the names that attach to those faces, because you’ll see them again and again (and don’t get caught being the one saying “Hey . . . you!”). Anyway, there isn’t anything better than having such an entertaining major — and as a bonus, having the same people to laugh about it with, too.