Written by: Jennifer Low
It’s been 14 days since a first-year student became trapped deep within the depths of Robert C. Brown Hall after wandering away from a campus tour group. Weak from lack of food and cell phone/Wi-Fi connection, the student was found by a TA to the relief and amazement of the entire university. Unfortunately, the TA was unequipped to carry out the rescue operation, and has left the job to the professionals who are currently brainstorming the best methods of retrieval.
Robert C. Brown hall, commonly called RCB by SFU students, is a series of cavernous hallways that twist and turn beneath the school in an ever-changing labyrinth of corridors lined with flickering lights and concrete walls. Previous attempts were made by more experienced SFU students to warn the poor unfortunate souls whose schedules bear those three fateful letters of the dangers of this place.
Despite this, reports reveal that the first-year’s unfounded belief that they could independently find their tutorial classroom led them to explore the maze. The misguided effort ended in near-disaster when the first-year became overwhelmed by the four floors of winding hallways, hidden staircases, and eerie silence.
Initial efforts to locate the first-year were hampered by raccoon sightings, construction interference, and lack of air conditioning. No contact was made for over a week. However, since the discovery of the student by a psychology TA late last week, rescue organizers have discussed various options for how to retrieve the student, including whether or not to merely leave the student to figure things out for themselves or engage a trained brigade of raccoons. When SFU raccoons proved too difficult to train, rescue organizers were forced to consider other options.
One professor, who is a self-identified cat-lover, even suggested using a similar strategy to when he lost his cat last summer. He claims that placing a combination of caffeinated beverages, instant ramen noodles, and urgently due assignments at the building’s entrance may help draw the student out.
Rescue efforts are now currently underway as the university attempts to safely bring the student to the surface by enlisting the help of experienced SFU students, but expert navigators are in short supply. There are a number of second- and third-year students who are still fearful of the secluded corner of SFU that resembles some kind of dungeon fortress, and many fourth-years remain too horribly traumatized by past expeditions to attempt the journey themselves.
Despite the challenging retrieval effort, the trapped student is reported to be in good spirits by the rescuers who have been providing the student with supplies as well as plenty of pre-reading semester content to keep them entertained.