By: Winona Young
Tech-Free Retreat (TFR): disconnect to reconnect with REAL LIFE
($15,517 of $45k goal)
OK, so when was the last time that we as a society looked at each other . . . and not our own screens? TFR is a week where we take you ‘sheeple’ on a break from the shackles of technology. Our retreat is held on the outskirts of Cali: no Wi-Fi, no computers, and no phones — just the fresh air, a small deposit of $5,000, and a reintroduction to the REAL WORLD . . . you ever heard of it? Some activities include hiking, bonfires, adult colouring books, Zen Buddhist meditation, slam poetry nights, and pretentious bragging practice for when you re-enter the real world and absolutely have to tell everyone about the humbling experience! No, there isn’t an app for this.
Help me pay my way through clown college!
($5,000 out of $500k goal)
Hello everyone, my name is Timothy Schulz, or as my clown-colleagues know me as, PartyPepe! While worries may be low at the College of Clowning Arts, funds are high! I need to cover expenses such as costumes, props, makeup, and so much more. While I can’t provide many rewards, I am capable of carrying out many clown duties to generous donors! This includes a free appearance at a child’s party, following your friend or enemy with a red balloon in hand, and much more!
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- UPDATE: Thank you from the tip of my red nose to the bottom of my huge clown soles to those who have donated so far: Suspender Joe, Bellbottom Bill, Booboo the Fool, DingDOP, Big Ben, Honky Tonk & the Laughing Monks, and Kevin.
My dignity
($0 out of “hopeless” goal)
Carol, if you’re reading this, know that I am a broken man without you and I will do everything in my power to get you back. Donate to help this husk of a man.
GoFundMe to SHORTEN my ENORMOUS WANG
($4.20 out of $420k goal)
Yo yoooooo fam, it’s ya boy Richie, or, as all the ladies at my middle school knew me as, the “big man” on campus. While doing bicep curls with my penis is pretty great, girls like YOUR MOM are just getting too afraid of my BIG DICK — and it’s hard getting hate for the gift motha nature gave me. I need to get my super long donger shorter so please help this hung child in need. I’m still under 18 so send the money to my mom — thanks ladiezzz!
Need money for tiki torches/protests
($666 out of $7,500 goal)
Are YOU ready to support our fight against triggered snowflakes, one rally at a time? Let me start at the beginning. See, growing up in a wealthy family with a silver spoon and Brooks Brothers polos, we NEVER knew we’d become such targets in today’s liberal-ass world. I mean, our trust funds are supposed to be going to tan cargo shorts and Sperrys — not to our struggle! My struggles have always been free. Each tiki torch costs about $30, but can we really put a price on freedom?
Rewards include being on the logical side of history — and if we exceed our goal, we will donate funds to our local meninist centre and purchase Guy Fawkes masks to protect the identity of our protestors from further harassment and persecution! Stay schwifty, m’ladies and fellow bronies.
GoFundMe to beat up the nerds who started the damn tiki torch crowdfund
($10,000 out of $5 goal)
Jesus Christ, who the hell green-lit that? Get ready to catch these fuckin’ hands at the next protest, scrubs.
may i holler . . . for a dollar?
($37 out of $10 goal)
money.
