My fellow students, I come before you today humbled before the one true power in our lives. We are perpetually overcome by the benevolence of its embrace, that we are crippled in the moment and unable to complete any other task. Surrounded by a force all-powerful and invisible to the naked eye. It is everywhere, lingering in the backs of our minds and taking over our consciousness in our most dire moments. My dear undergraduate brethren, I bring to you the word of sleep.

What is there for us, when all the cards are down — when we feel like we have nothing left inside?

My friends — there is sleep!

What about when the monotony of life pushes us towards the bear hug grip of turmoil and depression?

Brothers and sisters — there is sleep!

Whence do we travel, when our minds are beat and we cannot tolerate another moment of our petty selfish existence?

To the blissful snore-filled oasis that is sleep!

I tell you dear colleagues, sleep is all around us, and we are all subject to its mercy.

To not indulge in sleepiness, my friends, is to be subject to the dire consequences of its sinful opposite: wakefulness.

Wakefulness is as omnipresent and as far-reaching as sleep. It comes to us in many forms, tempting us away from the indulgence that keeps us healthy and sane. Wakefulness overcomes us in our moments of critical need, tearing us from our comfort and shrouding us with the sickening load of studying and assignments. Poisoning our minds with the notion that we must ward off the soft embrace of sleep with the sinful aids of coffee, or worse — fresh air!

So I say to you, my fellow students, repent! Engage in the warm embrace of lethargy, and rest with me in prayer, for to not do so is to suffer the undignified temptations of wakefulness. To refute the word of sleep is to deny what makes us human — an obstruction that is a sure-fire means to our destruction.

Repent!