Last week SFU’s Introvert Club held their inaugural meeting of the semester, marking the largest ever gathering of people who didn’t want to be around other people in the history of the university.
“I’ve always wanted to be socially antisocial around people who are as antisocial as me,” said club member Ann Siety. “I can finally get people to ignore me as I ignore them. I feel like I have finally found my people!”
Between 20 and 25 students were in attendance at the icebreaker, with several prospective members also participating from afar. In planning the event, the Introvert Club had booked a meeting room with plenty of large open windows so that members who desire more personal space could view the event through binoculars.
The icebreaker itself had the usual promises of free food and an exciting round of human bingo, except there were modifications to these icebreaker mainstays: the food came in to-go bags for each attendee, and participants were allowed to think of fictional characters to complete their human bingo.
Attendees then participated in a 4×100 relay, where individuals had to run while keeping their eyes focused downward on the ground; coughing loudly was also the chosen form of communication for the baton passing sequences. When asked what they thought of the relay’s design, many participants at first tried to avoid speaking to us entirely, but eventually offered up praise for the post-modern alterations.
“Looking at other people that I am interacting with is a big no-no,” reported one student, who managed to go a whole interview without giving her name or revealing any personal information about herself. “Talking to other people in general is also completely unacceptable, so I feel extremely grateful that the club executives have factored in my kind of needs for these activities.”
Club president Cerissely Shy on why she decided to form this club: “I saw a real need that wasn’t being addressed on campus. Shy people were studying by themselves or eating by themselves when they could be awkwardly studying/eating together in silence.
“This club will rectify this tragedy and bring together people who don’t want to be brought together. Our motto is: We are alone, together!”
When asked if she’d made any prospective new friendships, Shy admitted that she purposely avoided asking for anyone’s names so she could avoid the dreaded friendly-acquaintance small talk that comes with running into people on campus.
The next SFU Introvert Club meeting has unfortunately been cancelled due to crippling anxiety of its president, but members are being encouraged to participate remotely by constructing blanket forts in their own home and hiding away for the rest of the semester.
