TransLink promises voters “things will be different this time, baby”

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Photo courtesy of Wikimedia Commons
Photo courtesy of Wikimedia Commons
Photo courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

With a May 29 deadline fast approaching for the regional transit referendum, TransLink has again reached out to people who use their services, vowing to change for the better and treat riders with the respect they deserve.

The promise of self-improvement and a better tomorrow were part of several announcements made last Friday between 1 and 3 a.m. on Metro Vancouver’s voicemail.

“Listen, listen,” TransLink slurred at the start of the first message, left at 1:05 a.m., “I know things have been a little [hiccup] rocky between us but we’re so [hiccup] good together. I think I deserve another [hiccup] shot at this.”

Citing a renewed interest in public approval and a few too many Smirnoff Ices at the bar, TransLink vowed to win the public back — even if it means leaving a hundred voicemails, each more pleading than the last.

“I know you’re [hiccup] listening to this,” another message left at 2:17 a.m. declared. “Pick up the phone. What, you think you’re too good for me? Huh? Is that [hiccup] it?!

“I just miss you so much,” said the final voicemail, left at 2:52, followed by weeping sounds.

The Peak has also learned that most of the other messages were full of indecipherable one-sided dialogue, with one source claiming that TransLink went as far as to drunkenly serenade Metro Vancouver’s voicemail with a slurred rendition of Player’s 1977 soft-rock classic “Baby Come Back.” The performance, according to the source, was “lukewarm at best.”

For the past two months, residents of Metro Vancouver have been submitting ballots on whether or not they’re in favour of a new Congestion Improvement Tax of 0.5 per cent; funds collected from the tax will be used for the Mayors’ Transportation and Transit Plan, which includes increasing bus frequency, building rapid transit to cities such as Langley, and constructing a new Pattullo Bridge.

At this time, it’s unclear if the series of voicemails left was effective in changing Greater Vancouver’s mind — which was slanted towards the “no” side before voting commenced — but the incessant pleading just might be enough for Metro Vancouver to consider giving TransLink another shot at this.

“Just because I’m not in love with TransLink doesn’t mean I don’t love TransLink at all anymore,” Metro Vancouver said back in February, leading up to the mail-in referendum. “We’ve been together for almost 20 years now; we have a lot of history. But with that said, I think it might be time to try something new. As they say, there are plenty of regional transportation networks in the sea.”

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