Woohoo: Throwing a Party
Raise that green stout high — it’s time to make your ancestors proud.
St. Patrick’s Day is right around the corner, and you’ve promised your friends a drunken romp for the ages. You’ve hit the dollar store up for every tinseled shamrock and shot glass you can muster. Soon you’ll be feasting and drinking to your heart’s delight in the company of dear friends! Who cares if your neighbors have small children? It’s spring break; they can sleep it off!
You’ve waited all year for the chance to wear that “Kiss me, I’m Irish” T-shirt, and nothing is going to stop you now. Green couch stains and horrible attempts at an Irish accent are in your foreseeable future, and you wouldn’t give it up for a pot of gold. Stick on that ginger peach fuzz and get your jig on; you’re kicking off spring with a bang.
Boohoo: Throwing Up
Your stomach is a festering geyser of cheap booze and green food colouring, ready to go off at any minute. The grip on the toilet bowl is firm; you can’t risk letting the room start to spin again. One burp confirms your worst fear; it’s coming up, and nothing’s going to make it otherwise. You brace your arms and lower your head into position. In no time at all, you’ll be given an abdominal workout that could put a Cross Fit class to shame.
Eyes bulging, jaw unhinged, you let out a war cry. Bile courses up your throat and ejects itself through your mouth and nostrils. After bidding farewell to breakfast, lunch, dinner, and two six packs of beer, you lean against the wall begging for it to be over. Shortly after, the geyser in your stomach comes again twice as hard. Somewhere, someplace, your ancestors are laughing and face-palming.
