SFU
With the archangels’ trumpets missing, God books SFU’s bagpipers to summon the Apocalypse
November 22, 2019Written by Rodolfo Boskovic, SFU Student Do you have a due date coming up? Forget about it. If you’ve had time to look outside lately, you might have noticed: it’s the end times, baby! I don’t know about you, but I don’t think the frothing lava pond in the middle of the AQ was part of the construction plans. You might have expected heavenly trumpets accompanying the Devils and Angels as they duke it out on the football field. But instead of the keening horns that the Bible always said would herald the Apocalypse, you’ll be glad to see some…
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Professors pledge to save the environment by recycling syllabuses until 2040
November 22, 2019Written by Jennifer Low, Peak Associate SFU is known for being an institutional leader when it comes to environmental sustainability. But how is this possible when academia demands the constant use of paper? Look no further than SFU’s main recyclable…
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Meet the hero who ascended to godhood after lasting halfway through No Nut November
November 20, 2019Written by Juztin Bello, Copy Editor Walking on the moon. Winning consecutive Super Bowls. Letting someone else speak without interrupting. Throughout history, man has made the impossible possible time and time again. But for Ram McCaulkener, the moment of law-defying…
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Your weekly SFU horoscopes: November 18–24
November 20, 2019Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Aries — March 21–April 19 Find a day this week to bathe in tomato paste. It will neutralize the acrid, nauseating scent of clout-chaser on your body. Taurus — April 20–May 20 It’s a…
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Boy sues WikiHow for failing to get him out of the friend zone
November 17, 2019Written by Vivien Ying Qi Li, SFU Student WikiHow, a website infamous for its informative articles on first-world problems, is currently getting sued for providing “false and misleading” information. Bryce Lee, 23, filed a lawsuit against the multimillion-dollar company last…
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Couple breaks up after one lover is caught texting their fave YouTube videos to their side pieces
November 17, 2019Written by Jennifer Low, Peak Associate BURNABY, BC — “We are so over!” Ashley Johnston’s voice could be heard echoing down the hallways of the Academic Quadrangle (AQ) last Monday evening as she screamed at Chad Summers. The sound startled…
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To all the Grindr guys I’ve loved before
November 15, 2019Written by Juztin Bello, Copy Editor Dear blank profile, You were my first love, and I’ll always remember you for that. Except I don’t even remember your name, because it wasn’t on your profile. I had just downloaded Grindr, using…
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Texts From Last All-Nighter: what SFU says in the depths of academic fever
November 12, 2019Written by Shangrila Plaza, SFU Student (227) : yo : I need stupid names to name a pigeon : wrong answers only *** (228) : It’s 2:50am : finish your essay. *** (293) : Hey, u up? (294) : yeah…
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Your weekly SFU horoscopes: November 12–18
November 12, 2019Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Aries — March 21–April 19 Stop it with the selfishness this week. Make some sacrifices. Like becoming a ritual sacrifice to the dark entity slumbering inside Forum Chambers. Your bone marrow will feed the…
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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
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For promotional inquiries: [email protected]
Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]