Texts From Last All-Nighter: what SFU says in the depths of academic fever

Your judgment? Totally impaired by late-night education and Canvas submission scrambles

Written by Shangrila Plaza, SFU Student

(227)

: yo

: I need stupid names to name a pigeon

: wrong answers only

***

(228)

: It’s 2:50am

: finish your essay.

***

(293)

: Hey, u up?

(294)

: yeah I’m picking out my casket. I’m thinking hot pink with glitters.

(293)

: lmao u good? What happened? 

(294)

: I have two finals to write and an essay due in 4 hrs and I locked myself out of my dorm on my way back from pooping

***

(333)

: bro i’m so screwed. 

: I skipped my Wednesday lecture. now i have a quiz today on that lecture. Well, I guess I’m bombing this quiz

(334)

: bruh review rn

(333)

: Nah

: when u commit to failing you really gotta commit

***

(417)

: yo what’s a thesis statement again? 

: nvm… how do i delete a text message?

***

(476)

: hey, I’m studying at the library. Wanna get me food?

(477)

: I can’t rn. It’s late anyways, just go home and eat there.

(476)

: but… I live here now.

***

(553)

: yo what midterms do we have today?

(554)

: it’s 2:48am on a Saturday

***

(623)

: i can’t believe how expensive peas are. I mean wow they have a relatively high market value.

: if I flunk outta university u best believe i’m farming peas. 

***

(782)

: not to overreact or anything but i think i’m dying.

(788)

: I died seven academic hells ago

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