SFU
Your weekly SFU horoscopes: June 8–14
June 9, 2020By: Paige Riding, News Writer Aries: What is with your urge to fight everyone around you? Sure, you’re the shark in an ocean of guppies and all, but don’t forget the Finding Nemo mantra: fish are friends, not food. I doubt those around you like being called guppies, too. Sheesh. They’re butterflyfish, at worst. Taurus: Make like a bull and charge forward this week, right through the walls you built up around yourself. You only created them to stop people from seeing you for the vulnerable creature you are: a person who really just misses the old Webkinz site. Gemini:…
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Man texts “I miss you” to favourite public washroom, promises to hang out soon
June 9, 2020Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor PORT MOODY, BC — On Saturday, Walter Tangke, a sociology major at SFU, decided to take a moment to check on his favourite public washroom over text message. “Miss ur porcelain [sic],” he typed.…
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Where does your tuition actually go?
June 6, 2020By: Madeleine Chan, Staff Writer Ever wonder what those categories on your goSFU Account Activity actually mean? Vague names in the tuition breakdown like “Undergrad Tuition” and “UG Student Services Fee” making you want to break down? With the upcoming tuition…
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QUIZ: Do you have a Snap Streak or do you respect yourself?
June 3, 2020Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor How old are you? a) Baby b) Bewildered How susceptible are you to peer pressure? a) Shine bright like a diamond, shine bright like a diamond . . . b) I communicate boundaries in…
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“Don’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm,” man coos at decorative candles
June 3, 2020Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor “People are always criticizing me for buying things I don’t need,” says Sean. “But it’s not about whether I need these candles; it’s about letting these candles know that they need themselves.” Sean’s house…
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Your weekly SFU horoscopes: June 1–7
June 3, 2020Written by Paige Riding, News Writer Aries: You’ve always been annoyed by unoriginal people. You’re just so sick of Instagram users screenshotting tweets and reposting them. Just like Twitter, you did it first. You are the first sign in the…
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“I miss my sisters,” says treasurer who can’t defraud her sorority anymore
May 25, 2020By: Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor BURNABY, BC — Gracie O’Brien, a fourth year economics student at SFU, reported in several of her group chats this week that she was really missing her sorority sisters in Iota Omicron Upsilon (IOU). As…
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Fake friendships to reopen on “optional, part-time basis”
May 25, 2020By: Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Forget the economy: it’s time to bring back an even more arbitrary part of our lives, authorities say. The British Columbian government has recommended that throughout the province, fake friendships begin reopening, possibly as early…
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Your weekly SFU horoscopes: May 25–31
May 25, 2020By: Paige Riding, News Writer Aries: You’re en route to make a better comeback than all the ice cream trucks randomly reappearing. Like a phoenix, you continue rising from the ashes. But why did you set that ice cream truck and…
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CONFESSIONALS: Yoga taught me to let go and steal my neighbour’s mail!
May 24, 2020By: Michelle Young, Staff Writer Cat pose, Sphinx pose, Ragdoll . . . I inhale and exhale, and I feel all my negative energy leave me. Exiting through my palms, slipping through my fingers — just like my career has. I…
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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
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For promotional inquiries: [email protected]
Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]