“Don’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm,” man coos at decorative candles

Sean has never lit a candle in his life

Photo courtesy of Julie Ronberg via Unsplash

Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor

“People are always criticizing me for buying things I don’t need,” says Sean. “But it’s not about whether I need these candles; it’s about letting these candles know that they need themselves.”

Sean’s house is filled with candles in turquoise, rose gold, lavender, and more — candles which he never plans to light. With their waxy, aesthetic social circle growing more than ever thanks to free shipping and pandemic discounts, Sean recently felt compelled to remind them of his motto. It’s something he’s borrowed from his stint as a Superwholockian and teen-angst blogger in the early days of Tumblr: “Don’t set yourself on fire trying to keep others warm.”   

On Thursday, Sean invited The Peak to his home, where we saw his interactions with the candles firsthand. 

“Put yourself first,” Sean encouraged them. “Know your worth. Like you did back when I had to pay $276.00 for you.”

Sean has never lit a candle in his life. On his birthdays, he usually finds something else to blow before cutting the cake. All in all, he believes he has done a good job teaching the candles in his life how to love themselves. (Since that’s totally his job, obviously.)

Other self-love tips Sean gives his candles include making time to travel (fulfilled by Sean picking them up and moving them to different parts of the living room every couple of days) and getting in touch with their inner dialogues (he hasn’t heard them talk out loud in weeks!)

That evening, Sean lulled his decorative candles to sleep by reading aloud from his private Facebook album of vintage inspirational Picnik edits, retained from circa 2011.