Juztin Bello
Top Ten things me and the boys are gonna do after we’re vaccinated
March 30, 2021By: Juztin Bello, SFU Alumnus Loiter at the mall If there’s one thing me and the boys missed doing, it’s wandering around the mall. We’d go into stores like Lids and Sport Chek and refuse to buy anything or put anything back despite trying an absurd amount of shit on. We’ll probably hit with some classic goofs like putting the girly hat on Trave and watch him freak out, or go through the bra section of Walmart so that Becker can finally see what a bra looks like (fucking virgin). 2. Do keg stands from the same pump If there’s…
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Top Ten things that have changed since lockdown one
February 20, 2021By: Juztin Bello, SFU Alumnus Your need for people Early lockdown saw you lamenting over missing friends and enthusiastically speeding through Zoom calls like your ex from high school who, since dating you, speeds through frequent relationships (what’s up with…
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Top Ten things at the SFU Burnaby campus with the highest sex appeal
February 17, 2021By: Juztin Bello, SFU Alumnus The Saywell staircase He’s tall. He’s solid. And he’ll have you sweating and panting in seconds. You may hate him because of the strain he puts on your body, but just remember that he puts…
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Top Ten worst Valentine’s Day dates
February 13, 2021By: Juztin Bello, SFU Alumnus Your aggressively single friends Your “single” friends will probably just mind their business on Valentine’s Day, because, shocker, it’s just another weird cash-grab, hetero holiday. Your “aggressively single” friends? Oh boy. Get ready for weeks…
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Pets unionize, annoyed with owners using them as compensation for a lack of online personality
January 24, 2021By: Juztin Bello, SFU Alumnus Vancouver, BC — Following an influx of complaints from household pets regarding inaccurate quoting for captions on Instagram, zero compensation for modelling, and providing non-consensual emotional support, these animals are biting back against their owners…
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Reliance on gender in categorizing holiday gift suggestions is anything but merry or bright
December 8, 2020by Juztin Bello, Copy Editor When it comes time for consumers to begin their holiday shopping, retailers everywhere love crafting the perfect list to help shoppers with their needs. One of the most recurring ways you’ll see retailers sort gift…
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Top Ten failed 2020 New Year’s resolutions
November 30, 2020By: Juztin Bello, Copy Editor Travel more to ~find yourself~ People with a “this is going to be my year” mentality seek travel to ~discover themselves~, acquire ~hip lingo that definitely isn’t appropriation and misuse of a language~, and to…
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Top Ten ways to help lockdown go by quicker
November 18, 2020By: Juztin Bello, Copy Editor Hit up your ex Since dating your ex ended up being a waste of time despite your initial thoughts, inserting yourself back into their life during lockdown truly lives up to the “unprecedented times” we’re…
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Five places to get vintage clothing without invading the commercialized thrifting market
November 11, 2020By: Juztin Bello, Copy Editor As a fashion trend that has taken off in the past year, the hunt for vintage clothing to replicate looks of the 80s and 90s has people flocking to thrift stores all over, with one…
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Top Ten names to give your party you’re too scared to call a party during quarantine
November 7, 2020By: Juztin Bello, Copy Editor A ~casual~ get ᶜᴼⱽᴵᴰ together The world is a stressful time right now and the idea of being scrutinized for partying frankly has me all wound up. I think what everyone in the world needs right…
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