Gary Lim
Kate Middleton admits entire baby thing “one big joke’’
July 22, 2013SUSSEX — Shocking news coming out from the English royal household this morning as Catherine, the Duchess of Cambridge —better known to the public as “Kate”— revealed the long awaited first child was in fact a nine-month hoax in order to cover up her 30 pound weight gain since marrying Prince William in 2011. The general public are baffled as to how such a secret could have possibly been kept from the them for so long. From various documents, it appears that all medical examinations and treatment went through one Dr. Marian Amsley the chief royal physician responsible for health…
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Planters introduces ‘Segregated Nuts’
June 10, 2013Popular nut company’s new product to eliminate unnecessary mixing of inferior snacks By Gary Lim ANDALUSIA, AL — The world of mass produced salted legumes may never be the same again following an announcement from famed snack food conglomerate Planters…
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Horoscopes: May 6th, 2013
May 6, 2013By Gary Lim Aries (March 21 – April 20) Mercury is in your sign this week. Also your drinking water. Taurus (April 21 – May 21) It’s not a good idea to make any big purchases this week. So if…
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Fashion DO’s and DON’Ts
April 11, 2013DOs "Oh McFogg honey, no. I don’t know who told you leather hooker boots and a plaid skirt was the look for mascots this year, but they were sadly mistaken. PS: You might be a dog, but that mustache screams…
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Horoscope it out!
April 11, 2013Aries (March 21 – April 20) Yep, this is where your astrological fortune would be, if Aries didn’t see you eyeing those slutty tarot cards last week. You know they’ve told practically everyone’s fortune, right? Taurus (April 21 – May…
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Chris Brown beats Leukemia
April 8, 2013Unpopular music artist batters slightly more popular bone cancer By Gary Lim HOLLYWOOD — Famed American rap artist Chris Brown made headlines early last week after viciously beating the autoimmune disorder leukemia into remission. Eyewitnesses reported the 23-year-old rap artist…
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Over 200 neglected students discovered in quorum mill bust
April 7, 2013Shocking: students were forced to participate in student government By Gary Lim Photos by Alison Roach BURNABY — A shocking discovery was made last week when security discovered over 200 students locked in large metal cage in Convocation Mall. The…
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New exhibit debuts at the Will Smithsonian
March 31, 2013The exhibit will also features a pre-recorded audio tour by Alfonso Ribeiro WEST PHILADELPHIA — The who’s who of the Philadelphia upper class were out in droves last week at a star-studded gala for the grand opening of the newest…
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Scientists combine DNA from rabbit with that of Son of God
March 31, 2013In an increasingly common display of the unholy nature of science and logic, blasphemous scientists at the Vancouver Genomics center successfully created the first transspecies artificial zygotes last month, using a combination of DNA from an American blue hare and…
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Join the Club!
March 31, 2013By Rachel Braeuer and Gary Lim New to SFU? Missed clubs day? Finding it hard to make friends? Tired of sitting alone on Friday and Saturday night writing Link/Ganon slash-fiction? Well I’ll bet there’s a club that can take your…
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