Chris Brown beats Leukemia

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Unpopular music artist batters slightly more popular bone cancer
By Gary Lim

HOLLYWOOD — Famed American rap artist Chris Brown made headlines early last week after viciously beating the autoimmune disorder leukemia into remission.

Eyewitnesses reported the 23-year-old rap artist was spotted inside popular LA medical center Cedar-Sinai prior to the incident, where Brown has been seen binge drinking beforehand, downing an entire 40oz bottle of barium contrast dye and a cocktail of antibiotic drugs.

Brown’s fight against the bone cancer stems back to a Twitter feud in 2011, when Brown’s oncologist Dr. Lieventhal openly called the grammy-winning artist’s T-cell count “abnormally high and warranting a lymphatic biopsy” to which Brown responded by calling Leukemia “a punk-ass honky blood cell bitch” on MTV’s TRL and coughing up a few specks of blood into a handkerchief.

Since then the crippling illness and Brown’s immune system have been at odds, surfacing in entertainment news each time a withered and emaciated Brown appeared in public.

The feud finally came to a head last Friday when following the end of a nine-month-long stint of radiation treatment and the implantation of a chemotherapy pump, Brown confronted the hematological malignancy, severely injuring the cancerous masses of tissues in his bone marrow and, according to doctors, allegedly punching the disease into remission.

Upon learning of his disease-free state, an ecstatic Brown was reported to have immediately struck a hospital orderly, Inderpal Shankar, 34, in the face, violence being Brown’s only way to express emotion.