“I can’t wait for this year to end!” says student who thinks the pandemic will randomly stop because of an arbitrary date

By: Kyla Dowling, Peak Associate In a few brief weeks, it will be 2021, and we all know what that means. The minute the clock...

“I understand these are trying times,” says the professor making the times trying

By: Kyla Dowling, Peak Associate Subject Line: Paper now due Tuesday From: [email protected] To: AHH 101 (All Sections) Date: November 5, 3:33 a.m. Students,  Many of you have asked for...

The case of the missing EIC

By: Paige Riding and Sara Wong It was a dark and stormy night . . . no, no clichés here. This is just a public...

An SFU Halloween choose your own adventure

By: Paige Riding, Humour Editor INTRO: It’s Halloween! And you, being the procrastinating piece of shit you are, left a major project due tonight until this...

What happens if the “Local Women in Your Area!” actually find you?

By: Alex Masse, Peak Associate Would you spend a devastating seven more bucks a month on a new streaming service for a show unavailable on...

Fiancés upset they can’t hold big wedding that would have ended in divorce six months later

By: Paige Riding, Humour Editor SURREY, BC — After moving out from the rock they were living under, a couple is devastated to learn that...

My Duo: the Duolingo Owl Horror Story

By: Emma Jean, Staff Writer It was just after 10 o’clock. I’d finally submitted my essay on Canvas, and my burning eyes demanded I close...

Wildlife to move into Beedie student’s forest tattoo sleeve following increase in campus construction

By: Paige Riding, Humour Editor Dear SFU, I know that with all those new stunning, only entirely gentrified cinder blocks you call your new Residence buildings...

Rejected ideas for the Student Union Building (SUB)

By: Juztin Bello, Carter Hemion, Emma Jean, Paige Riding, Nathan Tok, and Sara Wong Escape room (By Juztin) As any SFU student knows, being on campus is...

SFUnexplained: Former SFU president Andrew Petter replaced by suspicious look-alike during final term

By: Carter Hemion, Peak Associate Wake up, sheeple! Our beloved previous university president, Andrew Petter, has been replaced by a doppelgänger.  For starters, Petter has not...