Horoscopes for dumb shits (Jan 30th—Feb 5th)

ARIES This is the week to give into bad impulses, Aries. You should message your ex. You should eat all the delicious lactose-filled desserts even...

SFU officially becomes an engaged university

Pop the champagne bottles and prepare for festivities! On January 1, SFU President Andrew Petter got down on one knee and asked Simon Fraser...

Famous philosophers and their fetishes

Thales: Watersports First in the western canon, first in the sack. Thales thought water was the only element. Show him how right he is.   Friedrich...

How to gracefully deal with your mortality

You are going to die. Yin and yang. Life and death.  You can’t have one without the other.  So, instead of bitching about it, here...

Werld News Headlines

South Korean president, Park Geun-hye, impeached North Koreans: Wait, you can do that?!   Donald Trump’s advisors want Ivanka for government position in White House, while...

What your textbook says about you

Classes are in session, and students across all SFU campuses have been dishing out the big dollars to get their hands on textbooks that...

How to take a good nude

If you are a heterosexual male who says “No homo, bro,” after bestowing your friend with some love, I prohibit you from reading further;...

Horoscopes for dumb shits

ARIES: You’ve been a bit off the handle recently, Aries. Do you remember that alarmingly dramatic incident where you nearly lost your pinky toe? Of...

Baby on plane actually crying about her carbon footprint

Ever been on a plane and had a baby cry nonstop the entire flight? Well, those cries may have the intention of bringing you...

Snowmageddon: A Vancouverite’s guide to dealing with snow

The recent dumping of snow over our city has left Vancouverites feeling defenseless, hopeless, and just plain useless at times. We’re talking about people...