Your weekly SFU horoscopes: March 16–22

Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Aries — March 21–April 19 Oh, did you hear that on the grapevine? It’s an earwig, and she wants you.  Taurus...

SFSS election debate held in freezing outdoors to keep cold-hearted students refrigerated

Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Tens of students gathered in Convocation Mall on Wednesday afternoon to shiver in the cold as candidates raced to...

Lonely first-year fed up that no one has saved him from his inner darkness yet

Written by Jennifer Low, Peak Associate A first year SFU student is threatening to sue the university for false advertising: namely, their failure to provide...

SUBJECT: Time To Unionize, Fellow Tall Pale Male Bartenders of Vancouver

Written by Meera Eragoda, Staff Writer From: [email protected] Subject: The Revolution Stouts Now Comrades in Ales, Have you ever found yourself wondering about the struggle that so many...

Friends beg their friend-turned-Twitter-activist to let them live ignorantly in peace

Written by Kim Regala, Staff Writer Have a seat, Steve. Before we begin, we want you to know that we’re only doing this out of pure...

Your weekly SFU horoscopes: March 9–March 15

Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Aries — March 21–April 19 You yearn to rest this week, but you may find it difficult to properly recharge....

QUIZ: Did you glow up MORE or LESS than SFUNET?

Written by Madeleine Chan, Staff Writer SFUNET has gone through some major transformations lately. (You know, that Wi-Fi network that’s always there, but never really...

SUBJECT: I am single-user access and your syllabus can try again later

Written by Madeleine Chan, Staff Writer From: Cora P. Wright <[email protected]> To: Bob Auldmann <[email protected]>, Ted Bouks <[email protected]>, Moe Rinsane <[email protected]> Subject: I am single-user access and...

DEAR PEAKIE: Lunch, love, and legal tea

Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Dear Peakie,  I keep trying to stop eating out, but Dining Hall food is SO GOOD and I’m not on...

Your weekly SFU horoscopes: March 2–8

Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Aries — March 21–April 19 Wherever you walk this week, the ugly truth about those in the immediate vicinity will...