By: Hannah Kazemi, Staff Writer
I learned about sex for the first time at the ripe young age of five, when my kindergarten class had a presentation on the reproductive system. I continued to learn and hear about sex all through elementary and high school, but the conversations always seemed very narrow: sex is for adults, don’t get pregnant, and pornography is entirely fake. People are taught little about consent, and instead hear about the reproductive systems in an overly-scientific fashion. We have to step beyond these conversations to remove the discomfort and stigma that surrounds important aspects of sex, sexuality, and relationships.
I do feel like I’ve grown up with a healthy view of sex, albeit a limited one, given the culture of shame that often surrounds it. Porn and sex toys are two things I have always been curious about because they’re considered taboo. We’re told that porn isn’t an accurate depiction of the realities of sex, and that we should prepare for an underwhelming sexual experience. People hear that women don’t masturbate, so vibrators never even come up in conversations among teenage girls learning about their bodies. Instead, we’re told what our opinions should be on these two things. How are people supposed to form their own perspectives and boundaries surrounding sex if we don’t normalize talking about it?
People should be able to use porn as a tool to figure out what they like, without projecting unrealistic expectations onto their partners. It’s also tricky to navigate online material when many companies in the porn industry are known for being exploitative. How can we feel empowered to view porn without the shame that’s often associated with it? Making teenagers and young adults aware of the performative aspect of porn is important, but we also need to talk about how to indulge in porn in a healthy way. This involves being cautious about the exploitation that still largely dominates the porn or adult film industry, and seeking out ethically produced porn. Healthy consumption also means we shouldn’t rely on porn for all our sex-related questions. It isn’t wrong or embarrassing to watch porn — it becomes wrong and embarrassing when you think the complicated position that one couple did should automatically work for everyone. People will watch porn whether or not you warn them about it; the key is to engage in these conversations in a productive and open-minded way.
Vibrators are another thing that I’ve slowly been learning more about — there are so many different types, functions, sizes, and settings that it can be overwhelming. I learned that many companies make sex toys for people with penises as well, which is something I never would have found out on my own.
I also know a lot of people have to hide their vibrators in their drawer or their closet, or whose partners refuse to use them in the bedroom because they feel like they’re being replaced. Sex toys don’t replace the sensations and feelings that come with being with a partner. Rather, they provide a different sensory experience, and allow people to explore themselves on their own. This is super important when discovering your sexuality and interests — how are we supposed to tell our partners what we like if we can’t test it out first?
People have different opinions and boundaries surrounding porn and vibrators, and the two can be very contentious topics. But that’s exactly why it’s so important to have open discussions about how to use and engage with them in healthy ways. Watching porn can open us up to trying new things, and it can also help us establish boundaries about what types of sexual experiences we might not want to try. Using sex toys allows us to explore our bodies, experience sexual pleasure in diverse ways, and can introduce a little bit of added fun to the bedroom. It’s not immoral or shameful to use a vibrator or watch porn. It’s all about how we use our knowledge and experiences to enhance our sex lives that really makes a difference.
