By: Tamanna T., Staff Writer
There’s been a lot of sex talk in this issue of The Peak — but let’s face it — there’s always a lot of sex talk in your life but rarely any sex action. No worries, though. Getting it on only takes a change in perspective and a hearty drive to turn that frown upside down. Take your classroom for example — where you see chalkboards, we see a room chalk full of potential lays. So here’s a quick How To guide to help you secure some sweet sweet warm meat — enjoy!
Major: History
Pick-up Line: “Careful where you go, because that ass is a weapon of mass destruction.”
Pro Tip: History majors can be notoriously flirtatious, because all they’ve got is time on their hands. Their brains are like mini-encyclopedias of dates, so feel free to ask them about all the sexiest years to get them in the mood — 69 A.D. seems to work every time.
Major: Biology
Pick-up Line: “If I was a virus, I’d infect you with my love.”
Pro Tip: To the Biology majors reading this: it’s probably best to avoid this one for a few years. But if you do decide to use it, we suggest asking for a vaccine card and ID first.
Major: Physics
Pick-up Line: “Hey, wanna go dancing? Because I can put your inertia in motion all night long.”
Pro Tip: Sometimes, pick-up lines aren’t always the best way to a physics major’s heart. But if you buy them a couple beers and let them give you an in-depth explanation of how lasers work, this is often enough to create both figurative and literal heat every time.
Major: Earth Sciences
Pick-up Line: “Here’s my number if you ever want your world rocked.”
Pro Tip: If there are three things Earth Science majors love more than anything its volcanoes, minerals, and sex. Just keep tying back anything they say about these three subjects to the other and you’re bound to be creating friction in the sheets all semester long.
Major: English
Pick-up Line: “Charles Dickens might have given you Great Expectations, but I can sure meet them.”
Pro Tip: English majors love anything convoluted. Really try to get them to read in between the pick up lines as much as possible. This will engage both their brain and libido. We have also seen great success in people who frequently — and correctly — use whomst in their sentences while sipping loose leaf tea out of a mason jar.
Major: Film Studies
Pick-up Line: “Are you into suspense films? Cause I can show you groundbreaking ones from Hitchcock and my . . . (cock).”
Pro Tip: Film Majors truly believe that they can seduce someone by overexplaining a movie, and to someone outside their major, they’ve never been more wrong. But approach the hottie in your film seminar with your opinions on the colonialist implications of early 20th century travelogues and get the director to call “action” because you’re about to get some.
