By: Victoria Lopatka

SA 421W – Greetings, Flirting, & Transit in SFU Society 

This course will re-introduce students to the study of socializing, post-social isolation. Students will be challenged to talk to their classmates, say “hi” to people they don’t know, and follow social conventions on transit. Please keep in mind this is a 400-level course and should not be attempted by students unfamiliar with such concepts. Prerequisites include SA 103 (Existing in Public), SA 202 (Eye Contact), and SA 338 (Talking with People You’ve Known for Many Years). Macro, meso, and micro forces will be considered, including the fact that SFU campuses clear out completely by 5:00 p.m. on weekdays. The end goal for this course is to create a student body that seems interested in making friends at all. 

BISC 206 – Animal Populations and Conflict Strategies 

Animal Populations and Conflict Strategies emphasizes the importance of co-existing with the animals that have overrun the campus, including deer and trash pandas. This course is a necessary prerequisite to many 400-level BISC courses, including BISC 320 (Wildlife to Dorm Room Pet). The class has an extensive field component, allowing students to observe animals in their natural habitats, such as rats digging through Tim Hortons trash. For the first day of tutorials, students are encouraged to bring a wild animal of their choice for show-and-tell. 

STAT 362 – Statistics of Finding a Good Seat

This course will give students the opportunity to theorize how to find a place to sit or study on SFU’s Burnaby campus, given social distancing practices. Writing about and discussing such topics requires an in-depth understanding of multiple aspects of Burnaby campus. It is assumed students are already familiar with: 

• Shamelessly moving someone’s jacket and bag off a computer chair in the library because you need to print out a last-minute assignment
• Glaring at people who play loud music without headphones
• Walking through active construction zones because you can’t find classes anymore
• Feeling the hot breath of a hungry student on your neck while an MBC microwave half-heartedly heats your food
• Selling your soul to president Joy Johnson to get a comfortable seat and table with a nearby outlet in West Mall

BPK 100 – Foundations of Pandemic Survival 

An introduction to the foundations of pandemic survival. Students may enter with an understanding of wearing masks, washing hands, using hand sanitizer, and social distancing, but the four-month course requires use on campus. The material is presented in the context of a familiar concrete kingdom, specifically referencing elbow-to-elbow lecture halls and soap dispensers that are perpetually empty. The first week will be dedicated to instructing students on discriminating between reliable and unreliable COVID-19 sources — for example, your aunt’s WhatsApp group chat is not a reliable COVID-19 source.

POL 111 – Introduction to All Political Shit

A comprehensive introduction to all the political shit you hear about on Twitter, but don’t understand at all. This course will explain major concepts, methods, approaches, and issues, including the upcoming election and why everyone is so mad about it. The selected topic for students’ term paper will be Justin Trudeau’s bicep tattoo. Students who have watched a full CBC News segment within the last year may not take this course for further credit.