Written by: Zoe Vedova
HARBOUR CENTRE, B.C. – Describing the event as “utterly transformative,” 19-year-old Mark Townsend recalled how his lackluster, 5:30 p.m. history tutorial metamorphosed from a dreaded 50 minutes of awkward, stuttering opinions on course topics to a vibrant, engaged deliberation on their professor’s shortcomings as both a lecturer and a human being.
“Like, I get it now.” Townsend exclaimed to reporters. “I get what university is supposed to feel like.”
Townsend was initially shocked when a normally shy student replied to their TA’s banal inquiry to how everyone’s weekend had been with a declaration that they were “so fucking done with the prof’s bullshit.”
According to witnesses present in the tutorial, the effect was instantaneous.
Tutorial members who had not once meaningfully contributed to a single conversation proceeded to eloquently articulate a myriad of complaints. They were indignant over the time their prof made a paper due during reading break, and aghast at his continuous mentioning of his divorce from 1996 while rambling through 52 minutes of “housekeeping” at the beginning of every lecture. They also detailed a systematic breakdown of how frustrating it was that he kept 39 open YouTube tabs on his computer.
Throughout the discussion, students correctly cited the exact weeks where their prof had replied patronizingly to valid questions asked in lecture, and thoughtfully responded to other tutorial members’ personal anecdotes of their awful experiences going to the profs’ office hours with insightful, enlightening commentary.
TA Carly Green admitted she welcomed the verbal degradation of her boss. “It’s like, what? Week 11?” Green shrugged. “Honestly, I’d given up on hearing most of these kids speak, let alone come up with real opinions. This course was not my first choice to TA, so I don’t even feel bad about cathartically shitting on this tenured professor.”
At press time, it was revealed Green remained blissfully unaware she would be crucified by the TA evaluation reports next week.