Clubbing at SFU

Illustrated by Marissa Ouyang

Written by: Nathaniel Tok

With Clubs Days having just ended, the newly minted SFU Student Amusement Department (SAD) has worked with the equally new SFSS (Simon Fraser Student Shenanigans) to come up with a list of new clubs based on the feedback from a survey of the SFU student population.

Inaugural Director of SFU SAD, Alan Furfundzies, said “We created ads for the newly developed clubs with recently SFU anointed club exclusives and we think that students will be very receptive.” The ads are listed below.

SFU Snow Shoveling Club

Looking to make a real difference to the SFU community but have a busy schedule? If you’ve been at SFU for the last couple of years, then you know that “Winter is Coming” are not just the Stark words; they’re SFU’s words as well. The Snow Shoveling Club will help clear roads and sidewalks so that students can continue coming for class in the deep of winter no matter how much they wish not to. The best part is that you get to be with a club and do nothing until the snowstorm hits! Talk about minimal commitment.  

Coffee Appreciation Club

Love coffee but too lazy to brew it at home and can’t afford anything more than the smallest size at your local cafe? The Coffee Appreciation Club has got you covered! For a small fee of all the money you have in your bank account at the time you join, the Coffee Appreciative Club will provide you one cup of coffee every year for a semester! You can be certain the coffee is ethically sourced since we’ll be using incoming secondary school kids to find the beans, and getting first-years to grind the beans and brew the coffee. Come join today!

Raccoon Therapy Club

After the wild success of puppy therapy at SFU campuses, we can see that the limited amount of days for puppy therapy is not enough. At the Raccoon Therapy Club we believe we can use local SFU raccoons to provide similar levels of de-stressing for students because like dogs, raccoons are inquisitive, furry, cute and have big eyes and personalities! The best part is that they’ll be available whenever you want, not just on days leading up to exam week.  So join today if you want to work with and study these wonderful creatures and help SFU students relax!

SFU Boredom Club

Bored between midterms and finals or just want to participate in organized procrastinating? The SFU Boredom Club will head over to UBC every Friday after “midterm season” to crash club and social events there and take up study space at their libraries to show our dominance because we’re just so bored. Why head home to rest when you can show UBC kids their true place in the world?