Written by: Sam Emerson, SFU Student
With Pride month in full swing, people are showcasing their sexual identities all over social media: bisexuality, asexuality, homosexuality, and every other part of the rainbow. Their multi-coloured flags show that they are out and proud of it.
Over the past few months, I’ve come to realize that I’m also somewhere on the rainbow. I’ve also realized that I have no idea what that means for me. I don’t feel like any of the more well-known labels fit me; this is exacerbated by the fact that I don’t really know what or who I am attracted to.
I have only had one romantic relationship with a man, and I’ve recently realized that I am not straight. But as I am in a committed monogamous relationship, the idea of trying to explore and figure this out is confusing and frustrating. I have no desire to be in an open relationship; I just want to know what to call my sexuality. I’m not straight, but I don’t think I’m bisexual or any of the other sexualities I’ve come across. It feels like there are hundreds of labels, but none of them resonate with me.
This confusion and lack of a label has made me feel very insecure about my sexuality. I feel like an imposter in the LGBTQ+ community. I simply don’t feel “gay enough.” I worry that the legitimacy of my feelings will be called into question, and that until I can label myself, I should keep quiet.
I’m lucky enough to be surrounded by a supportive social network in a city where it is safe for me to go to pride events and seek out LGBTQ+ resources. Yet, I feel unease and dread because I don’t have a straight (or gay) answer for myself concerning my identity and have no idea how to go about getting one.
There are so many stories of people realizing their sexual or gender identities from a very young age, so finding out that I am part of the LGBTQ+ community in my third year of university felt even more confusing. Coming to understand that sexuality is a spectrum and is fluid has helped me recognize that it is OK to change how you feel about your sexuality. Looking back, I would describe my 16-year-old self as aro/ace, my 17-year-old self as straight, and current 20-year-old self as a big ol’ rainbow question mark. Accepting that things change as you explore yourself and the world around you has been a huge hurdle for me.
It’s taken me a long time to realize that the labels don’t matter. If you find a word that you identify with, then use it. If you don’t, that’s OK. LGBTQ+ is a community with dozens of different sexualities and romantic orientations. It doesn’t matter which labels you choose, or if you use them at all.
Pride month is a time for us to be proud of who we are and express ourselves however we want. It is for everyone, regardless of their gender, sexuality, or romantic orientations. So this is to all of you who are confused, questioning, or curious and to those of you who have a label or choose to remain undefined. We are all valid, and we are all allowed to stand with pride.
