The Hitman’s Bodyguard is pretty bad — it’s the kind of bad where you don’t want to admit you really, really enjoyed it because it’s embarrassing. Which is why I’m here in my nighties, eating a vegan microwavable chimichanga typing out my esteemed thoughts on how I — yikes — enjoyed it.
Critics are complaining their mouths off about the movie, saying all sorts of stuff about how it’s a repeat compilation of the cheesy action-comedies of the ‘90s. They also say that the only reason people are going to see it is because it stars Ryan Reynolds and Samuel L. Jackson, which is honestly the sole reason I went to see the movie.
Here’s what wasn’t great about the movie:
- The action scenes, specifically the hand-to-hand combat scenes were pathetic, but it was almost as though they did a bad job of it on purpose to make it funny.
- The car chase scenes were better . . . not that much better, but still pretty cool. I dunno, I really love car chases.
- The women in the movie were clearly badass but ended up playing the damsels in distress, swayed by love and acting as the motivation for a male character which was super disappointing.
- Nothing was surprising. The writers threw out plot twists and I threw out the best acting of my life trying to pretend I was even remotely surprised.
- The underlying politics and the commentary on terrorism in the movie kind of made me uncomfortable.
Here’s what was really great about the movie from start to finish, other than the fact that it was funny as hell:
- Ryan Reynolds and Samuel L. Jackson were totally vibing onscreen and by that I mean their constant bickering and tolerate-hate relationship was gold. Pure. Gold.
- It was more bloody and gory than I anticipated from a movie like this, but it kind of shocked me into believing that the action scenes weren’t that bad.
- Ryan Reynolds playing the more “uptight” bodyguard role was hilarious. I loved that Samuel L. Jackson was the one constantly fucking around and Ryan Reynolds was super unimpressed for 99% of the movie.
Although I have many more bad points than good points, I definitely think it’s worth a watch, especially if you’re down for some light comedy, or because you want to laugh your way through a horrible date. I laughed harder at this movie than I had during any movie since 21 Jump Street. So yeah, I think that if you go in expecting more comedy than action you won’t regret it.
