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How to interpret your dreams

Humour
Peak Web
Peak Web
1 min.
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Illustration by Linda Shu

By: Holly French

Ever been plagued by weird dreams and just can’t explain why? Well, for once, the planets may have aligned in your favour. Here, we’ve channeled our psychic energy to delve into the dream realm and bring back to the waking world these highly specific, probably accurate explanations for what the universe is trying to impart unto you . . .

 

  • You dream about one of your old high school teachers: There’s a good chance you once forgot to hand in an assignment and now they’re going to haunt you for eternity.

 

  • Your dreams often involve you crashing your car: Motor vehicles aren’t destined to be your thing. You should definitely get a pilot’s license instead.

                     
  • You dream about someone from your past that you had an uneasy relationship with: This is the universe sending you a sign that now might be the time to finally move on — quickly down the street after lighting their trash bins on fire.

                                                                                                           
  • Your dreams include you repeatedly dying, yet you keep waking up alive: There is a 19.31% chance you might be immortal.

 

  • You dream about missing the bus or SkyTrain: By invading your mind and leaking into your subconscious thoughts, TransLink has commenced the next step in their evil plan for world domination. Be very afraid (and mildly inconvenienced).

 

  • You see dead people in your dreams: Plot twist! You’re actually just a character in an M. Night Shyamalan movie! Enjoy your asinine dialogue and nonsensical character motivations! It won’t last long — you’ll get murdered by the all critics, and additionally everyone else with an account on Rotten Tomatoes who is still suffering from the horror that was The Last Airbender (2010).
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© The Peak Publications Society

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society