SFU administration announced last Thursday a change to
the health care plan currently offered to all SFU students.
The one and only change: the policy would no longer be
covering any injuries or illness relating to exposure to the
radioactive materials.

To discuss why the change was so sudden and unexpected,
The Peak sat down with vice dean Charles Tweed. The
reason the policy was changed was that “the medical service
provider told us to trim down the plan, and this was the most
economically feasible change.”

“Besides, it’s not like the radiation sickness is something the
typical SFU student needs coverage for,” added the vice-dean
from inside a bright orange haz-mat suit.

In completely unrelated news until further notice, all
lectures, labs and tutorials will be held outside until further
notice, as the AQ, Shrum Science Centre, Blusson Hall, West
Mall, Maggie Benston Centre, Library and all Residence
building are off-limits, as they are “being sprayed for termites.”

W.A.C. Bennett Library to begin phasing out books

Interesting news coming out of W.A.C. Library early this
week indicating that the library will be the first among the
three SFU campuses to undergo a new program, slowly
phasing out the storage and borrowing of books.

Head Librarian, Candice Wu, spoke to The Peak about
the new program. “Yes, we’re getting rid of the books. People
just weren’t using them. There were just so many better uses
for all that room and after we’re done, it should clear out a
signifi can’t amount of fl oor space.”

When asked what would be replacing the periodicals
with, Wu replied, “Well, we polled the students, and the
most the popular idea seemed to be Kindle recharging
stations. So we’re thinking just row after row of outlets. But
that’s not all. The rare books collection will become a room
fi lled with staplers and hole punchers.”

“As for the books, there’s no room in storage, so we’re
probably just going to burn them.”