I have been following as best I can the debate around the creation of the men’s centre here at SFU, and most of the discussion so far misses the point. The creation of the men’s centre is not about equality in the sense that “women have a space on campus, so men should too.” It’s not about creating a space on campus for men to reaffirm hegemonic masculinity; instead, the creation of a men’s centre comes as a response to a growing need that is by no means confined to university life. That issue is the need for men to collectively reevaluate the meaning of masculinity and what it means to be a man in today’s world.
As a man in my mid 20s, I have had to address this issue in many facets of my life, including relationships, sports, family, friendships, the classroom, and popular culture. Even today, there are still some “acceptable” masculine roles that we are taught to follow. Whether it is the bumbling but loveable idiot, the stoic, the career-driven provider, or the chauvinist conqueror, men are pigeonholed into a narrow set of gender identities. Both myself and many other men feel that these identities fail to accurately reflect our experiences in the world and who we are. But to reject such ideas is to be ostracized.
This why a men’s centre is needed on campus. We need a space where we can be safe in our vulnerability and supported by other men, as we stop performing, confront the identities ascribed to us, and answer for ourselves what it means to be a man.
Men face a significant stigma around seeking help. We are often told to “buck up,” “to keep pushing through,” or simply to “toughen up.” Men admitting vulnerability, asking for help, or identifying that something is amiss in their life are seen as weak and, somehow, not “real men.” This results in many men not seeking the support that they need in their lives, whether it’s for dealing with the end of a relationship, an addiction, a major transition, or an experience of abuse. I spent much of my early 20s suffering from depression and anxiety, and I was too afraid to admit it. The few times I had the courage to admit that something was wrong, I didn’t know who to talk to or where I could go to deal with it. It never seemed an acceptable topic of conversation.
University is a formative time in most people’s lives. I’ve found that the education I’ve received has been as much about myself as it has been about what I’m studying. The campus experience is about more than the classroom; it is a time when we cultivate identity. A men’s centre will assist in creating healthy, productive, and engaged lives for male students at SFU, both while attending university and long after.
