Top Ten
Top Ten things that can be substituted for a personality
March 23, 2021By: Kyla Dowling, Staff Writer Liking an obscure musician that other people definitely haven’t heard of We all know this person, and honestly? We all are this person to some extent. I wouldn’t blame you for making Mitski the centerpiece of your personality . . . if you didn’t act like anyone who only knows her music from TikTok deserves to be guillotined. Anyways, we all know that the real cool people are the ones who listen to heavy metal songs about She-Ra characters. 2. Owning a hat shaped like Squirtle Is this a callout for the kid in half…
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Top Ten reasons I’m still not over March 2020 even though March 2021 is here
March 1, 2021By: Dev Petrovic, Staff Writer Things have just progressively gotten worse One day, it’s just another day in a pandemic where I’m questioning how many Goldfish crackers I’ve eaten in the past week. Next, an ugly dictator is staging a…
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Top Ten things that have changed since lockdown one
February 20, 2021By: Juztin Bello, SFU Alumnus Your need for people Early lockdown saw you lamenting over missing friends and enthusiastically speeding through Zoom calls like your ex from high school who, since dating you, speeds through frequent relationships (what’s up with…
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Top Ten things at the SFU Burnaby campus with the highest sex appeal
February 17, 2021By: Juztin Bello, SFU Alumnus The Saywell staircase He’s tall. He’s solid. And he’ll have you sweating and panting in seconds. You may hate him because of the strain he puts on your body, but just remember that he puts…
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Top Ten worst Valentine’s Day dates
February 13, 2021By: Juztin Bello, SFU Alumnus Your aggressively single friends Your “single” friends will probably just mind their business on Valentine’s Day, because, shocker, it’s just another weird cash-grab, hetero holiday. Your “aggressively single” friends? Oh boy. Get ready for weeks…
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Top Ten reasons I’ve been unable to catch some shuteye
January 31, 2021By: Clarence Ndabahwerize, SFU Student The collapse of liberal western democracy Imagine waking up to find the Scottish unicorn on your passport in your room helping itself to your SFU acceptance letter. You know, that same one you left in…
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Top Ten reasons 2021 will be better
January 16, 2021By: Emma Jean, Staff Writer We have collectively learned the value of comfortable clothes The importance of having comfy clothes can’t be overstated. Without crowded buses or stiff lecture hall seats to keep distracted from the potentially permanent jean imprints…
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Top Ten failed 2020 New Year’s resolutions
November 30, 2020By: Juztin Bello, Copy Editor Travel more to ~find yourself~ People with a “this is going to be my year” mentality seek travel to ~discover themselves~, acquire ~hip lingo that definitely isn’t appropriation and misuse of a language~, and to…
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Top Ten names to give your party you’re too scared to call a party during quarantine
November 7, 2020By: Juztin Bello, Copy Editor A ~casual~ get ᶜᴼⱽᴵᴰ together The world is a stressful time right now and the idea of being scrutinized for partying frankly has me all wound up. I think what everyone in the world needs right…
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Top Ten 2020 Halloween Costumes
October 27, 2020By: Juztin Bello, Copy Editor The debate fly As the breakout star of the VP Debate, this meme-turned-costume is kind of filthy, relevant to current events, and at the exPence of a shitty politician — perfectly encapsulating 2020. While you…
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