SFU
Common man-cold season starts, plagues student body with incessant whining
October 21, 2019Written by Marco Ovies, Staff Writer It’s that time of year again: the common man-cold has taken over SFU. According to a MySpace survey, frigivenena masculinum currently afflicts as many as three students. Symptoms include a mildly runny nose, excessive clearing of the throat, and endless complaining. Fearing what might happen should a fourth man contract the disease — for example, the chance that the sufferers may form a Burnaby-based barbershop quartet and lyricize their most memorable mansplanations for the student masses — SFU has advised students to stay at home if they are sick and to bundle up for…
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New U.N. study reveals that only sustainable source of protein is eating the rich
October 19, 2019Written by Gabrielle McLaren, Editor-in-Chief In view of soy fields eroding soil worldwide, eggs violating poultry rights, and tofu being too moist for comfort, the World Health Organization (WHO) has determined that the only truly sustainable source of protein is…
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Your weekly SFU horoscopes: October 14–20
October 16, 2019Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Aries — March 21–April 19 Victory will be yours this week. No matter the cost. You might end up in some conflicts because of that. But if your friends can’t handle how trash they…
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A cheeky deBRIEF on wasting your best undies on a boring day
October 16, 2019Written by Paige Riding Victoria’s Secret is out: today, my high hopes were crushed by an overwhelming sense of mediocrity. The day was so bland that I know — or rather, I should have known — that some granny panties…
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How to break up with a classmate
October 16, 2019Written by Aaron Barry, SFU Student So you’ve decided you’re done. His constant gaming and chronic lack of hygiene are just too much for you. You need your freedom. You deserve to be happy. But there’s one tricky little thing…
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Dear grad admissions board: my failed courses are non-canon to my personal narrative
October 12, 2019To Whom It May Concern, It is my great honour to recommend myself, Jake Jacksonian, for SFU’s Graduate Program in the Department of English. Yes, I know you already have my personal statement, which described at length my research interest…
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Oh, The Places You’ll Go (Before and After you Convocate)
October 9, 2019Written by Jennifer Chou, SFU Student Oh, the places you’ll go! (Unless there is snow.) . . . Congratulations on gradu-waiting, it only took you six years. From construction that’s deteriorating and destroying your ears, to crowded lines at the…
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A reading list of dark magical spellbooks for SFU students
October 8, 2019Written by Lubaba Mahmud, Staff Writer As we ALL totally know for a fact, each SFU library has an entire restricted section of dark magical grimoires, full of evil spells you can use to make your time in SFU a…
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AQ Boyfriend: An SFU Dating Sim
October 7, 2019Written by Winona Young, Features Editpr All you ever wanted from SFU was your degree. Maybe some dick, too, or perhaps a gondola. But by your final year, you never thought you’d find love in your Tuesday morning tutorial. Introducing…
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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
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For promotional inquiries: [email protected]
Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]