Written by Winona Young, Features Editpr
All you ever wanted from SFU was your degree. Maybe some dick, too, or perhaps a gondola. But by your final year, you never thought you’d find love in your Tuesday morning tutorial.
Introducing AQ Boyfriend: An SFU Dating Sim! A heart-racing dating sim where you can romance six eligible men in your tutorial, each with their own unique personality and character art. Will you give your heart (and the seat next to you) to the Beedie student? To the well-muscled slacker? To the literal raccoon in the window? The path of romance never did run smoothly, so choose wisely. Make the right choice and end up with a project partner in class and in life! Choose incorrectly, and you’ll end up feeling heartbroken and impeached.
The one student who won’t shut up
Jack Hamilton is cute — in kind of an annoying way. Maybe it’s his curly brunette hair, his wire-rimmed glasses, his deeply pasty skin, or his pushy intentions to get all of his participation marks for the semester in one class, but it all just makes you . . . deeply horny for the sweater-vested world literature major. He’s done all the readings and mansplained them to all your (female) classmates. Talking with him is so easy — talking is apparently very easy for him. He only talks about himself. And how much he knows about the course material. And himself again, but it’s only you he’s talking at.
- “Are you a sapiosexual? Heh, I just might be your type then.”
- “Very, very good listeners are one of my turn-ons.”
- “Have you done the readings? I already did, but if you want, I can re-explain them to you with my Marxist interpretation at Renaissance Coffee later.”
That Beedie boy
Ever since Richard Yu strutted into class in his Supreme hoodie and stepped on your foot with his Yeezys, you’ve wanted to be his #hypebae. Your friends say he’s so, so vain, but with coiffed hair like his, who can blame him? He doesn’t talk much in class, but you’ll see him whip and dab which always makes you laugh. He doesn’t take life (or class) too seriously, but he still manages to hold down a 3.5 GPA. If you play your cards right with him, maybe he’ll just add you on LinkedIn.
- “Maybe we should make, like, a conglomeration and stage a merger.”
- “You forgot your water bottle? Ha! Pathetic… you can have some water from mine. Be careful though, it’s a Beedie Hydroflask™️.”
- “You’re a communication major? I guess I’ll be bringing in the income for both of us.”
Mysterious exchange student
His major? He didn’t say. His name? You heard it once at roll call at the beginning of the semester. His story? God, you wish you knew it. The well-dressed foreigner caught your eye only after he strolled into your 8:30 a.m. tutorial in a full Balenciaga tracksuit. Sure, he hasn’t said anything this entire semester, but he’s the YA fiction romantic lead you always wanted — brooding, mysterious . . . or he really just doesn’t know what’s going on.
So you actually went to office hours, and ever since you displayed a 0.5% interest in the course material, your TA Siddhanth Nadar has displayed an interest in you! But he wants you to call him Sid, because he’s not like other TAs — he’s a cool TA. Who knew grad students could be this gorgeous? He always calls on you first in class discussions. Your heart races as you two awkwardly walk in silence from your tutorial to the fifth floor of the AQ for his office hours every class. You long for the day he’d stop making the class do icebreakers and break the ice with you instead.
- “Let’s go around the room and say your name, your major, why you’re taking this course, and if you’re single. I mean! If you’re still on the waitlist!”
- “You want me to go over the syllabus with you? Sigh, you really should attend lecture more.”
- “I’m not really into being called Daddy in bed . . . but if you would call me Professor, that’d be hot.”
Sergio Leon strolled into class with one gym bag, one pencil, and zero fucks. Because hey, Cs get degrees right? He doesn’t talk much, but will always listen to you when you speak up in class discussions — and possibly repeat it for participation marks. Whenever you’re running late, he’s always got a seat waiting just for you (provided he actually is in class that day). He may miss tutorial sometimes, but it’s clear he doesn’t miss a day at the gym. You’re smarter than him, and you both know it, but there’s something sweet about the big airhead.
- “I didn’t do the readings but damn, I’d do you.”
- “Oh god, our TA already posted the grades on Canvas! Hold my hand, I can’t take this kind of news alone.”
- “Wanna save me a seat in tutorial later today, nerd?”
A literal raccoon
He’s on the wild side, sure, but ever since you looked into his beady little eyes through the window of your classroom, you’ve been making googly eyes for this mammal. TrashBébé may be mischievous at times, but so sweet for waiting outside your classroom by the recycling bins each week. You’ve seen the looks he gives to you (or your lunch), and you’ve never felt something look at you with such longing. SFU security may try to keep you apart but you’re too in your feelings for this furry fellow. TrashBébé, you’ll always be my baby!
- “. . .”
- “Grrrr . . .”
(Locked character) The SFSS president
He’s driven, ambitious, and wants to make sure you go to next year’s Fall Kickoff . . . with him!
This character will be unavailable following March 2020. Will be updated the following April.
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