Peak associate
Rain is that girl
November 24, 2022By: Maya Beninteso, Peak Associate Hello my repentant subjects, Sorry to rain on your parade, but it’s me, Rain! I know you’ve missed me. I thought I’d arrive fashionably late this season seeing as everyone loves to hate me. Lucky for you, I love the infamy (and the infamy loves me). Tell me, did you enjoy the sweltering sun in your concrete building you call a university? Did you enjoy shedding layers, in addition to tears, in your lecture halls? Did the tears that streamed down your blood-rushed cheeks make you think about . . . me? You know what…
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Cryptid Spotlight: Tiny Tormenters
November 16, 2022By: Nathan T, Peak Associate As midterm week rolls around, so too do the trials and tribulations of SFU students. None more so than the poor engineering computer science and business students in the SFU Surrey campus. Uninformed Burnaby Mountain-only…
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The Student Learning Commons arranges a studying event with pigeons
November 9, 2022By: Maya Beninteso, Peak Associate BREAKING NEWS — The Student Learning Commons (SLC) at SFU is saying soar-y after their catastrophic “studying with pigeons” event held last Thursday afternoon. This event’s mandate was to help prepare students for exams in…
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Horoscopes Oct 10th–Oct 16th
October 10, 2022By: Kelly Chia, reader of the Stars and fanfiction Aries: Take literary inspiration and dress up as a scarlet “A” this year, as in Scarlet Letter. Not only will you show your teachers initiative by dressing as an A, you…
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Horoscopes Sept 26th–Oct 2nd
September 28, 2022By: Max Lorette and Kelly Chia, Partners in Star Crimes Aries Don’t look now, Aries, but the junk folder in your email is beginning to grow sentient. Before long, it will be strong enough. The Stars haven’t told me exactly…
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Cryptid Spotlight: The Bennett Creature
September 22, 2022By: Max Lorette, Peak Associate and Certified Cryptozoologist Dressed in decrepit graduation robes, the Bennett creature lurks between the bookshelves of the reference section. Most who encounter the fearsome creature see little more than a flash of blue and red…
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Top ten ways to ensure everyone knows you’re a calm and collected person
September 21, 2022By: Maya Beninteso, Peak Associate 1. Cry with every minor inconvenience Haven’t you heard? Only calm and collected people cry when their pencil drops for the fourth time in thirty minutes. I don’t know about you but, by that definition,…
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Horoscopes Sept 12–20
September 12, 2022By: Max Lorette, Peak Associate and the vessel of an unknowable entity Aries: This week, I think you should branch out a little. Go for a walk in nature, collect some sticks off the ground, and join your brethren amongst…
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How about I don’t develop emotionally?
September 8, 2022By: Maya Beninteso, the Emotionally-Mature™ Peak Associate To whoever, or whatever, the fuck is out there, Hey, remember me — the person you keep on presenting (unwanted) opportunities for character development? The person who does not want to play the…
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Animal meeting concludes humans are garbage at recycling
August 8, 2022By: Nathan T., Peak Associate Dear humans, We strongly encourage you to read the latest meeting minutes for the weekly Burnaby Mountain Conservation Area Bear Community Meeting as part of the Burnaby Mountain Neighborhood Committee. We trust you will enact…
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